Thats Life

Chapter Eight

"Waking up sucks but waking up to reality isn't that bad. I guess I've spent so much time high and drunk that I forgot how it feels to be real, I can't say I don't resent all three of you for forcing me back into the real life, but I'm also grateful."

Waking up in the morning was even harder than I had imagined it was going to be. My head was pounding, my brain was trying to jump out and scream at me for my overindulgence last night I'm also not 100% convinced that I won't throw up.

Suzie was already gone when I woke up, I assumed she would be and honestly, I'm glad she was. It was too early to have an awkward conversation with her about last night. I don't think I'm ready to have any type of conversation on that yet, I should have taken Will's advice and avoided school today. Not school itself, but then I'd be able to stay in my room all day without anyone expecting to have a conversation with me.

When I finally decided to leave my room and head into the kitchen, the boys were oddly super chill about everything. We all woke up and pretended nothing had happened, there was coffee made, bacon on the counter, and the usual morning arguments between Will and Tyson.

Once we got to the school, Will mentioned having to miss his first class because he had something to do. What it was? I don't know, I didn't listen, I was too busy trying to figure out how im going to go through today without dying. After he dropped me off at the front of the building he drove away, leaving the parking lot again. The drive here wasn't awkward at all either, we both stayed silent and just enjoyed the drive, and the music.

For the first time in all of history, I was 10 minutes early to class, this meant I got the pick of the seats. I choose my regular spot at the back and pulled my hood over my head after sitting down, just because I'm here and not on drugs doesn't automatically mean I have to participate.

My head was still pounding and of course, my stomach was still turning. I'm sure this is due to the inevitable withdrawal I'm going to have to go through, that and not eating anything. As more students came in, my leg was rapidly shaking in an attempt to get my mind off of the twisting feeling in my stomach. I knew that if I could take just one pill, or maybe even a shot it would calm my body down. It would be so easy to just text Ian and have him meet me, but I can't fail on this whole 'sobriety' journey 5 minutes after it starts. So, I stick to trying to ignore both the nausea and the cravings.

A few minutes later when the professor comes in, I realize I'm not going to make it without throwing up. I ran out of the class and to the bathroom throwing myself into the stall almost leaning up against the toilet as I empty myself into it. Sitting on the nasty floor with my head in the dirtiest toilet I've ever seen I realize this may be my lowest moment, nice. Now I'm really thinking I should have listened to my brothers and stayed home today. I just knew that If I stayed home having Tyson watch every single move I made would drive me insane. I stayed sitting on the bathroom floor with my head against the stall, I wasn't worried about how nasty both the floor and the wall are, I had better things to worry about. Maybe I should go home, I know Will wouldn't even hesitate to come get me and take me back, though I'd have to explain to him.

This probably isn't my last day feeling like this, I have a lot to look forward to. There's no way I can miss school because I'm feeling sick, I'd probably never be back here again if that were the case. Though, I probably look like a god damn zombie.

The warm water of the sink turns on so I can wash my hands and rinse my mouth. When I look in the mirror, I realize how bad I look, and somehow, it's worse than I've ever looked while on drugs. I'm pale, clammy, and there are light purple bags under my eyes I look like I'm dying. I splash some of the water on my face, then turn to leave the bathroom.