Thats Life

Chapter Five

"Tyson, you are going to be the best dad. I think you have seen so much shit that it's impossible for you to judge anyone, I look up to that a lot."

You know that feeling when you're sitting in your shower, the water is running down on top of you while you stare into nothingness, and you just feel... gone? Like, physically you are here but your mind is gone, you aren't experiencing the real world. It's just you sitting blankly on the cold shower floor with the warm water falling against you as a subtle reminder that you are still there. That's how I feel right now, like nothing around me is real, like I'm going to wake up in a few hours and shake off this horrible nightmare and everyone will go on not knowing that I'm an emotional bomb.

After watching me smash the shit out of the mirror Tyson said nothing to me, he wasn't mad or disappointed. He opened the door and called for William to come in here and help him.

"What the hell happened?" Will looks at me, then at Tys when he comes into the bathroom.

"Don't worry about it, can you help me clean this up? Jace is bleeding, we need to clean that up and make sure he doesn't need stitches, there's puke in on and around the toilet, and glass everywhere."

"Yeah, of course I will help." His voice was even, and quiet. "Are you okay?" I feel him look at me, but I don't move from the floor, my face still in my palms. "Is he okay?" He asks Tyson when I don't respond.

I don't hear anyone talk, but I do hear the glass being moved from the counter.

Will grabs my hand and pulls it away from my face before flipping it over to look at my knuckles. "Damn. You busted this up pretty good. I imagine you feel better now." He grabs my other hand and pulls me up. "Let me help you wash it we have to make sure there's no glass in it."

They don't talk as they clean up the blood on me, the counter, and the floor. I can't believe I did that, it still feels like tunnel vision, I have no idea how were going to get away from this and honestly, I just want to go to bed.

They both very gently carried me to the couch, sat me down and walked away. I could hear them cleaning up the bathroom, whispering my name occasionally when talking about me. But I just sat here still letting a tear escape every few minutes, looking at nothing more than a hole in the wall that dad left once upon a time.

Why didn't we fix that? Why is dad such a fuck up and why doesn't mom care? Leaves her kids to raise each other while dad stays home drunk as shit, wails on us, then gets to pass out like nothing happened. I wanted to black it out like he does, see if maybe I could understand why the fuck he does it. All their kids are fucked up and they don't seem to care about us, not worried about anything that's going on here. Well, from the outside dad cares, cares enough to hope he finds you doing something wrong, so he has an excuse to fuck you up. The hole in the wall was a reminder of that. Or maybe the hole is a reminder to all of us about what we are trying so hard not to become. If that's it, then I've failed, because the hole I put in the bathroom looks identical to the one right there in the living room.

The room was empty and quiet for far too long, it felt like Tyson and Will were in the bathroom pulling straws, and whoever got the short straw has to come in here to talk to me. I'm just like dad, I don't blame them for not wanting to be the one to come out here. Hell, I wouldn't blame them if they left me here without ever talking to me again.

Light footsteps came from the direction of the kitchen, but I didn't move to see who it was, I didn't need to. Not to mention, I didn't want to see the terrified look in her helpless eyes.

"Water?" Suzie asked holding a glass out to me. She wasn't scared like I had thought she would be. She didn't even hesitate to come over to me and offer me some water. Which honestly, I probably need after everything that happened. My mouth still tastes like pop tart flavored vodka.