RESILIENCE

Chapter 33

Hi Guys, Hope you are all doing well.

I am officially on leave for a whole month, so will be posting more.

Thank you for reading

❤️ LooseGoose

-----------------------------------------------

Drinking two nights in a row has never been a good idea.

The tequila I consumed last night definitely made my liver quiver this morning. feeling like a dried-out prune on the inside. Like I haven't had a sip of water in days and my head was throbbing as I tried to lift my medulla off my pillow to check out my surroundings.

Definitely dehydration as I felt the drowsiness hit and my curtains drawn open this early didn't do my throbbing head any favors.

I frown as I stare at my curtains. I'm sure I closed them last night before I left for the club.

Last Night....the club... Oh my, what have I done? But I felt like I was alive for the first time.
Like this is how life should be.

My mind is instantly flooded with the memories of last night as I rested my arm over my eyes, trying to rid myself of this dizzy feeling, as I over analyze last night in my constantly overthinking mind.

I danced and let loose, for the first time probably in my life and it felt so...good, but most of all freeing. A freedom that's inexplicable to explain with words after being held captive by my past. To not care about what people think of me or how they would perceive my actions or reactions.

But most of all, the guilt and burden of not knowing who the father of my children is, have been lifted. This made me realize the huge impact it also had on my mental health and that, that was a huge part that was holding me behind. I have truly come a long way in such a short timeframe with the help of the people that I love.

Mateo joined me on the dance floor last night and everything felt like a movie scene happening in front of my eyes.

He didn't dance, but stood there entranced whike watching me dance to my heart's content.

We kissed! My first in my 26 years of existence to be exact and I didn't freak out! The night at the club with him in it was just perfect and I wouldn't change it. I enjoyed every minute of it and then we left the club.

It felt good to be wanted in that way and not just as a daughter or sister, or am I reading his actions wrong?

I mean, he wouldn't have kissed me if he didn't feel some sort of way towards me.

I won't deny my attraction towards him. I don't feel any regret that he is the father of my boys anymore or that he took my first time. We already established that both of us were drugged and the only people to blame were the culprits that drugged us.

I am grateful that Matteo is such a genuine person towards me and ghat he wanted to be there for the boys without even having confirmation of them being his. Their faces were confirmation enough for him, aparently.

My family has been on a constant nag about me being stuck in a rut and I could never see the rut because I was too blinded by the past. They have always tried to push me to see past the things that happened and to become a better version of myself in order to enjoy my life and live for me so that I can live for the boys.

The past scared me so much that I became a version of myself I should never have become in the first place. I wasn't living; I was merely navigating safely through life and life is there to make mistakes in order for us to learn and grow.