My Broken YOU

New Shoes

The warm sun shines on me as my brand-new shoes lightly clap against the campus sidewalk. My hair flows in the warm wind and my body is tighter than I could ever imagine while walking toward my class.

I've spent the last two months working on myself. Just like my parents and Ava told me to do. I feel healthier than I ever have, and I've been wilder than I ever have. Things have been oddly magical in my own way. I feel alive again, yet alive in the sense that my eyes are open to all possibilities around me.

I've been 'sober' from all things sexual for these past several months and have no idea how I've managed to do it. Every time I am in the shower it becomes a very difficult task for me to not want to remember every single detail, but I fight it. But my parents always told me I was strong-willed and decided when I wanted to be.

Mason Pembrook has been quiet and not hanging around any girls...that I know of. I doubt he's been 'sober' from sex this long. He wouldn't be able to handle it. But enough about him. I have been amazing, and my mind has been clear. I have two months left of school and then on we go!

"Madison!" Ava yells, forcing me to turn around and watch as she powerwalks to me. "I'm not running, girl!"

"I never asked you to!" I smile and quickly fold in my bottom lip while glancing down the sidewalk at Derek. He's a friend of mine and has helped me over the past several months.

"Derek is a douche!" Ava argues as she notices me looking at him. "That guy only wants you to get into your pants. You do know that right?"

I scoff and shake my head. "He's been helping me. He knows I am not looking for anything except a friendship."

"And we know how that worked out!" She argues and points behind me.

I spin around, my heart pounds a little harder as I see Mason walking with one of his friends. He ignores me, as he should since he and I have been acting like we don't exist to each other. "He can keep walking." I scoff.

Ava steps in front of me, blocking my view of him. "Rumor has it Becky Masterson hooked up with him but didn't get anywhere."

"What do you mean?" I question, feeling this kind of relief inside of me. "And I don't care either way. He and I have been done for two months. I'm not concerned about his sex life."

"That's what I'm saying!" She argues with a small plead in her tone. "He agreed to hook up with Becky Masterson after weeks of her begging him. He's been with No One since you two. And a friend of Becky is also a friend of mine and they said she convinced Mason to help her with something."

"Okay?" I say, starting to become interested. "Continue on!"

"Becky got Mason to get into her bed with him. Like she lied to him and everything. But her kiss lured him in. She got him naked and then...nothing! He couldn't sleep with her. She said it was like trying to sleep with a robot. There was no emotion there."

"That's his problem!" I am quick to say and turn around to head toward class. "I begged and pleaded with him. If he wants to spend his life sexless, that's his problem, not mine. Let's stop talking about him now please."

"Sorry!" She smiles and quickly changes the subject. "Brayden is going up north this weekend and he wants you to come. Mason is not coming this time and he promised! It's supposed to be oddly hot this weekend and he thinks due to the weird warmer weather this year we might be able to swim too! What do you say?"

I shake my head and hold my laptop closer to my body. "I don't know. I've got that last remaining classes to deal with."

"Oh. Come on!" She pleads, her sad puppy eyes looking into mine thinking it will work. "I think you need to get away from school, the campus, and Mason's dad since I know you two chat occasionally, which isn't healthy for your 'sober' living."