My Broken YOU

I'm Sorry

"Are you going to answer my texts or am I going to have to call it done?" Mason messages me for the fifth time today. It's been five days, and I haven't seen him once. But his messages are constantly filling my phone.

I know he's missing me, or whatever is running through his mind. But he knows how to enter my thoughts for someone who wanted it over last week. For the length of time that we've been away from each other, I feel like he's either losing his mind over not seeing me or is considering giving up on me and that's why his constant texts are bombarding my phone.

Maybe he's trying to say goodbye and maybe I should just take his calls. I don't want to lose him, but I want to make it clear that I'm not giving in. He can lose this fight. But at the same time, I feel like I'm doing exactly what he was afraid of me doing. The entire reason why he never wanted a relationship. I feel so conflicted!

"Please Maddy! Answer me! Don't you think it's been long enough? I've respected your wishes and left you alone! I swear to God I will go find someone else to hook up with."

My heart drops reading that text. If that's his thought, then does he truly care about fixing this relationship? How do I even respond to this? "Do what you have to do!" I write, hoping it scares him and, finally sees my message for the first time in a week.

The vibrating of my phone startles me. He's calling! Why is he calling me? It's because I finally responded to him and now, he's hoping I will answer his call. I let it ring. I'm not doing this with him.

A knock at my door startles me. "Open up, Maddy!" His voice calls through the door, sending an emotional shockwave through my body. "We need to talk! Please, open this damn door!"

"It's not locked, Mason."

The door slowly opens. He peeks his head around the door, his small straight-lipped serious expression tells me he has no idea what to do now that he's here. "I'm coming in." He softly says, his mumble almost inaudible.

"That's the whole point of why I told you it's unlocked, so you could come in," I say, feeling annoyed by him. It's been an entire week and he's still getting under my skin after he started that fight.

"I've spent a week without you, and I get it. I feel the difference when I am with you. And I don't like it. I can't go a day without being near you. And that's a problem for me. I am not someone who relies on other people for anything, ever. My father had me work for my money growing up. He put it all in savings and told me I could touch it when I reached college. I don't like feeling like I need to rely on you, Maddy!"

"Good!" I say, interrupting him. "Now..."

"Hold on!" He argues and interrupts me. "I wasn't done." He lowers his head and looks at the ground. The disappointment in his eyes is starting to scare me. The way he presents himself terrifies me even more. "I don't like that feeling and I never want to be left alone like that again. I can't do this. I think this needs to end."

"Wait, what?" My heart drops into my stomach and my mind begins to wander a million miles a second. "We are not breaking up, Mason. You said it yourself. You couldn't see me being around another man, ever."

"And I can't see it, Madison! I never want to see it. But this feeling! I can't handle it! And if I can't handle it now, what is going to happen in the future when we've been together even longer and I feel even stronger feelings for you? I don't want to imagine it!"

"No!" I argue, wrapping my hand around his wrist. "This isn't ending like this. You're not doing this to us!"

"I can't wait for us to fall in love and then have it ruined somehow and then end us. If I get out now, I won't have to worry about it. I can't do this!"