My Broken YOU

The Find

"Holy shit!" Ava yells, her voice bouncing off the walls of the bathroom. "Madison! Why is there a used condom in the..." She goes silent. "Did you lose it? Holy shit! You lost it! And to Mason of all people!"

"What makes you think it was Mason?" I argue, trying to defend my actions.

"Oh, get real!" She yells again, her tone excited and playful. "You did not lose your V-card to anyone else! I've known you for too long to know it would never be some random person! It was Mason! Holy shit! You did it! I thought you were going to be a virgin for life! And with Mason of all people! This is...incredible! We have so much to talk about!"

"We've got nothing to talk about!" I yell, reaching into my backpack for my body wash. "I'm going to take a shower. I still don't understand why they have toilets in the dorm rooms but not showers. It doesn't make any sense."

"Oh, you're not getting away that easily!" She says as she rushes out of the bathroom. "How bad did it hurt before it felt good? What was it like? Give me words, girl!"

"There was no pain," I admit, shaking my head as I walk toward the door. "For maybe a split second it hurt when he started but then it was pure pleasure."

Her wide eyes follow me as I step to the door. "And? Don't stop there!" She pleads in excitement. "My best friend finally lost her virginity and she's just going to leave me in the dark? And it didn't hurt?"

"It was better than I could ever have expected," I add as I think back on earlier and feel this wild excitement through my body. "He couldn't stop staring into my eyes. And the more I think about it..."

She narrows her eyes, stepping closer to me and setting her hairbrush down. The confused expression on her face looks filled with so many questions. "You want it again!" She adds, her lips slowly forming into an excited smile. "You want to fuck him again, don't you! This morning wasn't enough for you!"

"Well...there's..." I stutter while trying to find a way to get the words out. "I just..."

She scoffs playfully. Her wide eyes fit perfectly with her shocked smile, and she playfully slaps my upper arm. "You've had a taste of sex and now you want more! Don't deny it! You're not even going to shower just to clean yourself after this morning! You're going to shower in hopes he convinces you to fuck him again...which he probably will."

"No..." I say with my tone very clearly telling her I am lying. "I wanted to lose it. He was available and he's been hiding a couple of my secrets. So, I give him that gift."

"Girl!" Her excitement continues as she rolls her eyes. "That was a HUGE gift to give him. He took your virginity!"

"And do you know how many girls have lost their virginity while drunk at a high school party?" I argue, once again trying to defend myself. "A lot of them! This was at least special to me and felt unbelievably amazing!"

As she stands in front of me, it's obvious my best friend is happy and excited about what I did. But there is a part of her that I don't think is as excited. I think there is a part of her that feels regretful trying to help me lose it to Mason. She knows the same thing that I do. He's not somebody who settles down and I was probably just another black book 'write down' for him.

"Well," I say and turn back to the door, quickly opening it. "I'm going to shower and then my Saturday is mostly free to me. Do you have any plans?"

"I'm supposed to meet with Brayden, but I can cancel that. You just went through a huge thing today and I think I've been missing out on spending time with you anyway. So, let's hang out. Maybe go to a party this evening?"