My Broken YOU

Had I Known

The sun beating down in my room brings warmth. But it's a deceiving warmth considering it's only thirty degrees outside, and it's supposed to snow. My body refuses to move from my bed as I look at the time. It's only seven. I'm usually up at five but not today. Today I allowed myself to sleep in. I think I finally deserved it after last night.

If I could think of any other way to end last night. That bit of alcohol in all of us made it well worth it. Mason wasn't too pleased with the way I handled him in front of his dad, and he may have left early. But at least I got to know his father and his father enjoyed my company.

I will admit, I'm not excited about how Mason left and how the expression on his face scared me. He was pissed. I can't blame him. But he will get over it. If he wants this relationship to work, he will have to get over it.

"Madison!" Mason's voice calls out and scares the crap out of me. His fist bangs against my dorm door. "Unlock the door!"

"It should be unlocked, dork!" I yell back playfully.

He storms in, the expression on his face clear that he is still pissed from last night. "How could you act like that in front of my dad? I felt like a child! I am NOT a child! I felt so belittled. And..." He pauses slamming my door closed.

"Settle down, babe!" I argue, my tone is calm so I can help work with him, not turn this even worse. "I didn't mean whatever it is you're feeling today. I never meant to try and 'control' you as you put it last night when you left me, storming out like a child."

"Because you were treating me like one!" He screams, and the anger on his face continues to grow. "I felt so small around the one person I opened myself up to the most! And this is why I don't do relationships. This is why I stay open to other women! It terrifies me that I could end up in a situation just like I am in right now!"

"Mason!" I yell, starting to grow angry with him. "There is no situation. I was there to help you the entire night. You're the one who got the attitude, and I wasn't about to deal with that bullshit!"

"I'm not comfortable with you acting like my mother!" He argues, his face slowly beginning to turn red. "We both decided to try this relationship. You've only had one in your life, and I considered this more of an experiment. I opened and allowed myself to let you meet my father and you embarrassed me in front of him. You made me feel so small and I am supposed to come to you with anything! We are supposed to trust each other, Maddy!" He slams his hand against my nightstand.

I feel it. I feel that anger inside of me, but I also feel scared. This argument is not something I was ever expecting. Especially so soon. "I'm sorry." I softly say and sit back against my wall. "I didn't know that was how you felt. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry?" He yells again, this time sounding angrier. "I don't trust people. I don't open up to people. I don't feel like I must do anything for anyone. You are the first person I've ever allowed myself to do this stupid ass 'relationship' thing with and it's already blown up in my face, Maddy! I don't..." He pauses and looks up toward the ceiling.

I can feel the pain and anger radiating off him. And in my opinion, this is such a stupid argument to have. I find this pointless but he's turning it into something it doesn't have to be. "What is your overall outcome of this argument, Mason?" I ask, unsure if I want to know his answer. "Why are you pushing this so far? Just drop it. I'm fine, you're still alive. What the hell is the problem?"

"You!" He yells and presses his body against the wall. "I trusted myself to believe I could have someone without issues. And you're driving me wild. One minute I'm angry and the next I'm happy!"