My Broken YOU

Only

My red shirt slides over me perfectly, fitting like a tight glove. The long sleeves and extra bit of length at the bottom of it make me feel like it's a bit too much. "How does this look?" I ask Ava while she's changing into her usual party clothes. A black skirt and tight spaghetti strap.

She looks through her mirror at me, analyzes me from head to toe with a straight smile and shakes her head. "Like you're going to church. Come on, Madison. You've been to enough of these parties. Get that 'fun' look you had the other day."

I scoff and take a quick breath. "You're right!" I admit as I look into the mirror at myself, overly dressed and slightly lost. "I just don't know what to wear."

"Wear what you wore the other day!" She smiles, tossing me my backless red dress that almost shows my ass. "You wear this and you're guaranteed to attract the guys."

"Coming from the girl that mothers me too much?" I argue while sliding out of my shirt. "You and I both know that has yet to happen. And I'm not looking."

"What girl is a twenty-one-year-old virgin anymore?" She loudly states, her tone playful but annoying.

"I am!" I argue and step into the dress. "And I am proud of it. Jared..." I stop, realizing I need to stay away from that name and pack those thoughts away.

"Jared nothing!" She interrupts, quickly tossing my purse. "That name isn't allowed. He's gone and as much as it sucks! What was our rule?"

"Keep that name away from our fun times, and only think of it in my downtime," I say, sounding like I'm dragging the words out with a dead tone. "And! If I have downtime, I am supposed to find fun time."

"That's my girl!" Her wide smile passes by me as she steps to our door. "And trust me. I know you're not ready and I would never rush my best friend, but at some point, you will enjoy getting those cheeks clapped."

My eyes widen and my mouth drops open. "Ava! Stop!" I scold playfully and cover my mouth. I shake my head knowing there is no way to cover this laugh.

"Just saying!" She adds, her eyes looking me up and down. "It's not a relationship if it's just sex. And again! I am mothering you and telling you not to go off and have sex with random strangers. But at some point, you will need that feeling, and trust me. It is an amazing feeling that words cannot explain. And if words could explain what sex felt like, it would be heaven. Better yet, explosive."

"Let's go to this party!" I argue and playfully shove her out of our dorm room.

"Ladies!" Brayden's voice calls out, forcing me to spin around and see him rapidly approaching us. "You ready for this party?"

"Always, babe!" Ava smiles, wrapping her arms around him.

"You two are something else," I say, feeling like a third wheel as I watch them kiss. I've never had a lot of experiences in my life with romance. It was just me and Jared. And even though our love was like no other. We kissed a few times and left it at that. I don't know what it feels like to be touched by someone else. I'm not sure I know what a true love kiss feels like.

"Domino!" Someone's voice calls out from behind me. "Oh, sorry! Brayden! I forgot you don't approve of that nickname anymore."

Brayden looks over his shoulder, and so do I. Mark, a friend of Brayden's, is quickly coming up to us. "What's up, guys?" Mark asks. "And Brayden, did you hear about the argument that just happened!"

"No?" Brayden answers, curiosity running wild in his expression. "What argument?"

"Mason and Shelly." Mark smiles, his look reminds me of if he wanted to splurge on that information. "Shelly smacked the shit out of Mason. She was trying to convince him to date her, and he told her he didn't want to see her at all anymore."

"Yeah!" Ava interrupts, an unenthused smile lining her face "But they will be hanging out as soon as we get to that party."

"For one reason and one reason only," Brayden adds with a slight shake of disapproval. "That guy is one of my closest friends, but he does not take romance at all. He can't."

"And that's why he'll never be happy in life," I add, feeling disgusted at how this Mason guy is, yet another part of me feels this weird attraction to him.

"You really don't like him, do you?" Brayden questions, looking over his shoulder at me with a smile that tells me he likes my responses.

"I don't...not like him," I say, almost inaudible while feeling a little off answering that question.

"Answer this!" Mark interjects, sliding his arm over my shoulder, causing me to feel a little uncomfortable and forcing me to remove it. "Would you sleep with Mason Pembrook?"

"Me?" I question, looking lost as my mouth slightly drops open.

"No, she wouldn't!" Ava answers me while looking at me with those 'I saved you' eyes again! "Madison is very particular about who she decides to connect with."

"I've never seen her 'connect' with anyone," Brayden adds, interrupting her and forcing me to cringe just the slightest bit, knowing how many boys at this college have tried to hook up with me.

"One day I will. Where is this party at?" I say to forcefully change the subject as we walk down the darkened sidewalk with small lights illuminating it like a pathway.

"The brother's frat house." Ava answers causing me to instantly regret agreeing to go to this party.

"You've got to be shitting me!" I argue, slowly stopping. "I hate that frat house. They are a bunch of drunken weirdos and I've heard a lot of bad things about their parties."

"You're right," Mark adds, giving me a serious look. "Even if you don't care for me much, I would never let anyone hurt you or near you. I've got you, girl!"

"Thank you, Mark." I smile, looking up at the frat house just down the road from our walk. "This should be interesting.