Ambivalent

Chapter 4: Winter

I walked out of his cabin, and almost ran back to Lassie's work area. Throughout the way, I kept on mumbling the same mantra again and again.

"I can't work here. I have to get out of this place."

Without knocking on the door and leaving my manners up on the book selves in my home, I bragged in.

"I wish to resign from the post."

She looked up at me with her mouths wide open. Only after perceiving her looks, I was able to understand that already my tears have made its way from my eyes to down the cheeks.

"Ah! I am sorry."

I spoke keeping my both palms on my cheeks to wipe my tears away. But immediately fresh ones streamed down.

I don't know why. Why am I this sad or in agony? Or I don't even understand what I am feeling right now. The pain I supressed for almost ten years came back to the surface with all force.

"Please Lassie, I would like to resign. Just can you proceed with the paper work."

"Winter, dear. First tell me what's wrong? Why do you wish so."

She turned quite calm. A lot calm for my condition.

"I don't feel this... this place as an appropriate work area for me."

I stammered my words out of my mouth with difficulty.

And listening to my excuse, which was not an excuse but truth, Lassie sighed.

"What is this? A play ground? You don't feel like working here and would resign just an hour after your joining. That too merely an hour. Is this all a game to you?"

She can scold me as much as she wished for. I won't complaint. Because I am the one who is wrong here. The one who should have acted smartly. No matter how busy I was yesterday, I should, should have checked the company details I am about to join.

Was I this excited for a new job? Was I in this dire need of money? I wish to run away from the spider web.

"I..I am sorry. But please.."

Slowly sobs started to escape from my mouth along with my tears.

"Tell me, what happened? Someone scolded you? Someone miss behaved with you? Sir said something wrong to you?"

She counted out all the possibilities one bye one and I just kept o shaking my head from left to right to left. All in no's.

"Than what's the issue?"

"Please Lassie. I wish to resign from here."

Lassie let out a frustrated sigh before straightening herself.

"Fine. Go to H. R. Department and tell them. See if there is any clause."

"Clause?"

"Yes. Sir himself prepared your terms and conditions list. I am not sure about if any there is. H. R. Team must be aware of it."

I didn't knew any term existed except that I will be replacing the old secretary just for an year. I didn't read a word before signing the documents.

But listening to her words my hand started to shake violently. What if any clause actually existed.

Wiping off my tears I walked straight to the H.R. department and met the H. O. D. There to discuss my condition.