Lost Smile//Connor Bedard

37.

Connor's POV

"How could you Connor" a male voice spoke. I looked up and saw Taylor. He was standing in front of me. He had blood dripping down his face and his face was wet with tears.

"What do you mean?" I shakily ask.

"How could you let your best friend die? How could you let me jump?" He asks. I look at him and shake my head.

He told he it wasn't my fault. He told me he couldn't be saved.

"N-no Hallsy, you told me you couldn't be saved" I began, my eyes watered and I felt a lump form in my throat.

Was it my fault?

"That note meant nothing. What I wrote meant nothing. You killed me connor bedard" And with that he jumped. I screamed loudly and went to jump after him but something was holding me back. It was as if this thing was holding me by the waist. I look back and see a dark shadow.

"It was all your fault Connor" the voice whispered. I shook my head, mumbling no no no over and over. It couldn't be my fault he died, right?

"Connor honey, wake up" a female voice was heard and when I looked I saw Angelina standing there. I felt this sudden bolt of anger come out of me. It was her. She was the shadow.

I lunged at her and wrapped my hand around her neck. I yelled and yelled, tightening my grip around her neck.

Her last words suddenly snapped me back into reality.

Ang. Oh gosh Ang" I shook myself awake as I watched my girlfriend lay almost lifeless underneath me. I jumped up off my bed and bath pacing back and forth around my room.

I killed her. What the fuck is it happened to me?

"Ang please please wake up" I cried into her hair. I shook her, hoping it would wake her. My mind went numb, my body went numb. I just laid there. What the fuck did I do?

"C-Con" I looked up and saw Angelina. Her eyes opened. She looked dazed, confused almost. She coughed a few times but she was awake.

The sense of relief I felt made let out a sigh. I felt my eyes water as I looked her in the eyes and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. I hated myself. I hated myself with everything. I almost killed her. I couldn't help but cry. I cried loudly into her chest and all she could do was hug me. I apologized over and over again, not letting her go. I knew she was angry, maybe even scared and I didn't blame her. I kept hurting her. I hurt her in the worst possible ways.

Mentally and physically. She trusted me. She trusted me to make her smile again, she trusted me to never hurt her. I broke that trust. I broke the trust she was willing to give me, especially after the bet. I was getting so close to her forgiving me.

I lost all of that. I know I did and I knew I wasn't getting it back. I look at her neck and see it turn purple. The hand marks were a deep purple. Everyone will ask her what happened. I couldn't help but lean up and kiss her neck gently. She flinched and I slowly felt her push me off.

"Con I can't" I frowned at her and rolled off of her. I looked at her with sad eyes and watched at she got out of my bed. I couldn't stop her. I couldn't move. I just laid there helpless. I didn't even notice her leave until the door closed behind her. I looked over at my alarm clock and saw that it was 5pm, we had slept for a good hour.

Or somewhat slept I should say. My thoughts were all jumbled. I wondered why I thought she blamed me, I wondered who would make me think that. I wondered all of the things in between. I knew She would never blame me, I knew she would never leave.

But today, I think I crossed a line and I'm not sure how I'm getting back onto the right side.

Angelina's POV

I walked out of Connor's house with tears streaming down my face. The sadness and fear I felt have officially took over me. My heart was shattered. He almost killed me. This was the first time he had ever done something like this. The slap and push he gave me were starting to look better. I never once thought my sweet Connor would end up like this. So depressed to the point where he became abusive, angry and just everything in between. I never once pictured him laying a hang on me, but here I am. I'm walking down the street to my house with hand marks around my neck.

I feared him. I feared everything about him. Even the thought of him scared me. Everything about him just scared me. I didn't want to be near him again. I didn't want to know anything about him.

I had decided that this was enough walking and made the choice to call Ava. She answered almost immediately.

"Hey hey Angy" She cheered into the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but only a sob came out. I couldn't form a sentence.

"Where are you? I'm coming now" I heard rustling coming from her end of the phone. Soon enough I heard her car start. I hung up the phone and texted her where I was. My phone rang and buzzed with texts and calls from Connor. I chose to ignore them. I turned my phone off and slid down an old oak tree that was behind me.

I cried and I cried. I let everything out. I had heard about night terrors from people who had experienced them. They would mention that sometimes they would get violent in their sleep, how it could be scary for those they loved. This was truly a horrific experience for me. His words replied in my head over and over. He accused me of blaming him for Taylor's death. He yelled profanities. His eyes went black. It was something I never thought he would do. I truly never thought I would be this scared of Connor.

Ever.

"Ang get in" I quickly stood up from my spot on the floor and got into Ava's car. She looked over at me pulled me into a hug. It was comforting. Something I needed. She pulled away and gasped, "What the fuck happened to your neck?" I flinch at her sudden yell.

"C-Connor had a night terror and he choked me" I cried. I sobbed harder than before.

"I'll fucking kill him" was all she said before making a U-turn and basically speeding to Connor's house.

"No Ava don't. Just leave it alone" I pleaded.

"Ang. He's going to fucking kill you one of these days. He's hurting you emotionally and physically. Please let me break his face"

"No. Just leave it alone. Please I don't need to hear anymore yelling or arguing. I just want to sleep" I pleaded with her once again. She sighed in defeat and slowed down. I assumed she was taking me to her house.

"He can't keep doing this. One of these days he'll kill you" She sighed once again. I nodded knowing she was right. I could t find words to defend him.

Even while seeing a therapist, he still hates me. What did I do wrong?