Lost Smile//Connor Bedard

32.

Connor's POV

One year later

There we were. There we all sat in front of the stage. The graduating class of 2023. Everyone was there. All I could see when I looked around the room was a line of graduation caps. But all I could notice, was Taylor missing. The spot next to me was kept empty with a graduation cap and gown along with a photo of him. I sighed and placed my hand on the seat.

Truth is, this year has been one of the worst years of my life. Getting used to Taylor not being around has been hard. I have been happier with Angelina by my side, but nothing has been able to fill the spot.

The big graduation poster hung above the stage. The words 'Graduating class of 2023 written in big bold letters. Our teacher and principal stood at the podium giving his speech. I looked over at Angelina who was sat next to me and gave her hand a small squeeze. She looked over at me and smiled.

"Before we continue with our ceremony" Our principal began. A screen suddenly appeared behind him as he continued, "We would like to have a moment of silence for our fellow classmate, friend and teammate. Taylor Hall who tragically passed away last year" I teared up at his words. Tragically was one way to describe his death.

The room went silent as the screen began to show photos and videos of Taylor. Photos from first year all the way to third year, hockey practices, team photos, his school photos. Just everything you can think of. You can hear some sobs from the students sitting around, including myself. I wiped my eyes as the end of the video showed 'In loving memory of Taylor Hall. Never forgotten'

He truly was never forgotten.

Angelina's POV

I looked over at Connor as he sat beside me. I knew today was hard for him. I knew it would probably be the hardest day for him. As they played the video for Taylor I could see Connor crying, I soon felt myself begin to cry. He looked so happy in those photos. He looked so happy in those videos. No matter how you looked at it, he just looked happy. You would never be able to tell that he was going to jump from a bridge and end it all.

His death came as a shock to everyone. It still holds a place in everyone's mind after a full year. Especially Connor's. He had gotten somewhat better. Not really drinking and such, but he still isn't back to himself.

I know he isn't.

"Are you okay Con?" I asked quietly. Connor looked over at me, "Y-yeah I g-guess" he shrugs before looking back over at the stage.

"I'm worried about you. Are you sure you're okay?" I ask once again, just this time he ignores me. He makes it look like he is listening to what the teacher is saying. I know he isn't however, I know he could careless about the whole speech type of thing.

"Connor please"

"Shut the fuck Ang" He yells. Everyone looks over and starts laughing. My face turns a bright red in both anger and embarrassment. How could he yell at me like that? I was asking if he alright.

I turn away from him, wiping my face from the tears I didn't even know fell. The teacher quiets everyone down and continues on with his speech. The only thing Connor hasn't gotten under control, was his anger. He would lash out at me constantly over small things and yell at me for bigger things. I try to be as understanding as I could.

"Now the names of our students" Our principal began. One by one the names of students Eee being called and one by one they went up. Everyone cheered when they would go up.

"Woo Ava" I called, clapping loudly as she walked across the stage. I cheered the same way for Alex and Raddysh when they were called up. We had all gotten very close over the past year, especially when Alex and Taylor began dating.

"Connor Bedard" Our principal announced. I cheered loudly as he walked across the stage. He grabbed his diploma and ran off. It was like he didn't even want to be there. I sighed and got out of my chair when my name was called. Ava and Alex cheered. I scanned around the room for Connor but didn't see him, it truly broke my heart,

I didn't know where he had gone. He missed me walking across the stage. But once again, I had tried to be the understanding girlfriend. He was devastated about Taylor, the memorial they had. It was all too much for him,

Right?

I walked by the girls despite them calling my name. I looked everywhere, yelling his name and that's when I found him. He sitting in front of Taylor's locker, well old locker. The front of it was decorated with flowers and sympathy cards all from the other students. A photo of him hung on the front.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. He jumped a bit, but looked over and gave me a sad smile.

"Hey you" I spoke, sitting beside him on the cold floor.

"Hey" He mumbled.

"You okay?" I ask.

"You know you really need to stop asking me that" He sighs, annoyance clear in his tone.

"Connor-" I begin but am cut off right away.

"Yes I know you're worried. You're fucking worried all the time, I'm fine Angelina. Just fuck off" He shouts. I jump at his sudden burst of anger.

"C-Con relax" I began to feel myself get scared. Scared at what he might do.

"No, Ang. I won't fucking relax. I just graduated high school while my best friend was in the fucking ground dead. My girlfriend is the stupidest bitch who constantly worries about me. How the fuck can I relax?" I am about 90 percent sure the entire graduation class in the gym can hear us. Although they are talking and giving their final speeches, I am sure they can hear everything.

"I have don't nothing but try to be there for you" I begin to speak, but every time I do I get cut off. I just couldn't comprehend how Connor could suddenly become this monster. Taylor's suicide was hard on him, but it was like he was a ticking time bomb ready to explode. The ache I felt for him grew more and more was I tried to be there for him. I tried to help him. But nothing had seemed to work. His anger would always get the best of him.

"Well you're doing a terrible fucking job so just leave me the fuck alone before I beat the shit out of you" his words made me choke on my breath. I felt myself coughing uncontrollably at the threat he just made.

He wanted to hurt me? Again? How could he want to, he promised he would never hurt me again. The sense of fear I felt suddenly washed over me as I began to cry.

"A-Ang no I wouldn't" Connor ran his hands through his hair in frustration. The colour from his face turned pale as he realized what he had said and how he had said it.

I slowly began to move away from him with each step he took towards me. What if he hurts me?

"I would never hurt you, please baby" he pleads, taking another step towards me. I slowly take another step back.

"Fine, be a bitch. I'm fucking outta here" He mumbles. He turns around and walks away. I find myself watching as he opened the main door to the school and left, letting it slam shut behind him.

I sob and sob. The mix of anger and sadness filling me as I slid onto the floor with my back against the lockers.

What was supposed to be one of the greatest days of our lives, not only celebrating our grad but what would have been Taylor's grad.

Turned out to be a terrible one. All I hoped, was that Connor was okay.