Lost Smile//Connor Bedard

28.

Angelina's POV

The day of Taylor's funeral had come. It was a somber day to say the least. But what else would you expect from a funeral? Flowers lined both sides of the brown casket while a big bouquet covered the top of it. The sash around the flowers read 'Our Beloved Son'. My heart truly broke for the Hall family. His parents were a wreck. It had looked like they haven't eaten or slept well in days. The night of Taylor's death still haunted my mind. The way he jumped, the sound of everyone screaming when he did. It was all one big nightmare.

Never once would I have believed someone if they said Taylor would kill himself. He was happy with his life. He was everything people wanted to be. He had it all. I walked over to the casket with Ava and Alex. We both had our arms wrapped around Alex as she sobbed over his casket. I rubbed her back gently and watched as she kissed the top, where I assume Taylor's head would be. I placed my hand on top of the casket and rubbed it slowly. Even after everything Taylor had done to me, I felt heartbroken that his life came to end. He didn't deserve it, no one does.

"H-hey can you guys give me a minute with Taylor" Alex asked.

"Of course. Take all the time you need" Both Ava and I gave her the biggest hug before making our way over to where his parents were. We gave them our condolences, hugging them tightly as they cried and cried. I felt myself begin to sob as I pulled away from his mom. She looked at me with sad eyes before thanking us for coming.

I took a seat next to Ava in an empty row. We were sitting towards the back of the church, as the front row was reserved for close friends and immediate family. I looked around the packed room. I noticed many students from school, the entire hockey team was there as well as the coach. Everyone was here, everyone loved Taylor.

The sound of the main doors opening made me turn to see who had came in and that's when I noticed Connor. I was shocked at his appearance. He had his parents on each one of his arms as they helped him toward the casket, similar to what me and Ava did with Alex. I watched Connor with tears in my eyes. His face was red, his eyes were lifeless and I couldn't help but notice a small picture frame in his hand. He hugged the casket crying his eyes out as his parents rubbed his back. Taylor's parents slowly made there way over to them. Me and Ava looked at each other and then back at Connor.

"Ang" Ava spoke, she placed her hand on my shoulder, "What Connor did was inexcusable. He was a duck and if I could punch him in the face, I would. But he needs you right now"

"What are you trying to say?" I questioned. Looking at her confused.

She sighed, "Go to Connor. Now. The poor guy is a mess"

"No. I can't" I replied. Seeing him like that broke my heart. He looked so upset, so lifeless. It was as if Taylor took a portion of him when he died. My heart shattered at the sight of him.

"Please. Go. Deal with everything later" Ava pleaded. I let out a sigh and nodded my head slowly. I made my way over to Connor and his parents.

"Hey Angelina" His mom spoke as she gave me a gentle hug.

"Hi Mr and Mrs Bedard" I greeted. I don't think Connor had noticed I was standing there. He didn't move, he just stayed put.

"Connor needs you more than anything" His mom spoke, tears brimming in her eyes. I nodded my head slowly in understanding, knowing deep down inside he really did need me by his side .

They gave me one last hug before leaving me with Connor. I placed a hand on his back and rubbed it gently. He jumped slightly, but he noticed it was me he relaxed almost immediately. I gave him a small kiss on the cheek. He didn't say a word to me, he just looked at me. He looked at me as if he was asking why I was with him right now? I frowned at his reaction, but didn't leave his side.

I placed my right hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. His face stayed emotionless. I gently grabbed the frame from his hand and placed it on the little table beside the casket. Connor finally gave me a small smile. As much as I wanted to be mad at him, as much as I wanted to hate him right now, I knew he needed me. I slowly brought Connor to our seats and sat him down beside me. Ava gave him a sad look. She didn't know what to say. I was about to open my mouth, but was cut off by the priest.

"Dear Lord, today we are here to honour and remember the life of Taylor Hall. A young man with many dreams of the future, and truly a life cut too short" The priest began. Everyone around was sobbing, and I too found myself shed many tears as he continued. After he had finished his speech, it was time for a eulogy.

One that was given by Connor.

"Do you want me to come up with you?" I ask. Connor shakes his head slowly and makes his way up to the front. He's shaky as he place his piece of paper on the stand in front of him.

"H-hello. I'm-I'm Connor and I was, er, still am Taylor's best friend" Connor began, his voice begins to shake but he continues, "The night that Taylor died, I felt as if a piece of me went with him. We had been inseparable since peewee hockey. We've gone through elementary school together, and most of high school together. Taylor was like the brother I never had. He was there for me when I needed him, and I wish I could say the same" Connor's words began to get shaky and I can see the look in his eyes as he continued his speech.

"I love you always Taylor Hall. Brothers forever" And with that, Connor wiped his eyes, and placed his hand on the casket one last time before making his way back to his seat.

"That was beautiful, Con" I spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me and gave me a small smile. I gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Please rise" The priest speaks. Everyone rises to their feet and watches as they lower the casket in the ground. Everyone around was crying. You can hear some yell 'no Taylor' while I heard his mother yell to let her go with him. I felt myself cry loudly at the sound of that. I hugged Connor tightly as he sobbed into my shoulder. I noticed that the photo of them two stayed on the small table, in view for everyone to see.

The casket is placed in its forever spot. Taylor is no longer going to be at home. He is no longer going to be at school. He is going to be here. In his forever home underground. The realization hits you like a ton of bricks once a casket is placed in the ground or cremated. I could have ended up here. I could have been in this exact cemetery if my dad didn't save me. The thought scared me. The thought of how Taylor's parents would go through life knowing they couldn't save their son tugs at my heart. Knowing their son won't be at family dinners, birthday parties, and even watching him walk across the stage is something they won't see.

I wanted to turn back time. Turn it back to when Taylor was on that ledge. I should've have tried to stop him. I should have gone there. I knew what depression was like, I knew what wanting to die was like. How could I have not helped him?

I cried and cried as they buried him. Connor was sobbing to the point where he was hyperventilating.

I watched on with Connor in my arms. Hugging him tightly as he said his final goodbye to his best friend.

———-

Is it bad that I was on the verge of tears when I wrote this chapter? I listening to The Night We Met, that song from 13 reasons why, it made it worse honestly haha.

Love you all
Xoxox