dsmp christmas oneshots

forgotten chance

trigger warnings at the end of the oneshot

☃

sapnap wakes up alone.

in a bed he usually shares with two others, the only arms holding him are his own.

the shock of his solitude is enough to stir him immediately awake, eyes feeling wide as he stares at the emptiness beside him. he reaches out, running his fingers over the mattress before him, and notices how cold it is. he must've been sleeping alone for a while.

the ravenette shifts onto his back, letting his head relax between two pillows as he stares up at the popcorn ceiling above him, letting his eyes trace the patterns of nothingness.

sapnap wants to go back to sleep, but he knows it won't be possible now. he's awake and alone and he is painfully aware of the fact that it is christmas day.

he has always hated christmas - anyone would, if their only memories of the annual holiday were traumas from their childhood. last year, dream tried to make it good for him, but he ended up staying holed up in his room sinking in and out of forced sleep and refusing to wake up. they exchanged gifts on boxing day last year.

george is with them this year, their throuple finally together in person, and both of his boyfriends had spent the last month trying to reassure sapnap that this christmas would be good, and that he doesn't have to dread it.

they even offered to bypass the day completely and just exchange gifts and have a fancy meal some other day, so they could do the fun bits without the stress of the connotations and memories that come with the day, but sapnap denied the offer.

he didn't want his bad past to spread into his lover's present. he didn't want to spoil their fun just because his head is a little messy, that isn't who he is.

still, he supposes they must've come to the conclusion that his baggage wasn't worth their time, as they've left him alone on christmas morning to go do whatever celebrations they want whilst he rots away in their cold bed, wondering why they aren't involving him.

he supposes it makes sense. his trauma is a lot and, even if he doesn't talk about it or make them listen to stories from his past, the lasting effects of what he went through still shine through. he still gets grumpy for seemingly no reason, he still flinches away from unexpected touches, he still makes jokes about his past.

maybe they didn't want him around today because they didn't want to waste their energy on frowning about comments he finds funny. like last year, when dream's dad bought him a belt and sapnap quipped about the only memory he has with dads and belts is getting spanked. he'd said it lightheartedly, not for attention or sympathy, but dream's eyes had still gone sad and he'd put the belt back in the gift bag as if the sight of it would be traumatising. as if sapnap doesn't wear belts most days.

he never says things like that to self-loathe or search for pity, it's just that humour is his way around his trauma. it's how he copes. maybe his boyfriends just didn't want to be exposed to that on christmas.

or maybe it's just because they knew he'd be sad and mopey all day and they didn't want him to ruin their happiness with his own constantly downcast attitude.

sapnap sits up, deciding there are a million better things to do than sit here and dwell, and drags himself out of bed with a heavy feeling in his head and heart. he doesn't bother getting changed out of the sweatpants and t-shirt that he slept in, even though the three of them bought matching christmas pyjamas and his are the only ones still piled on their bedroom armchair. they didn't want him around so he doesn't want to match their stupid clothes, so there.