rough patch hardin and tessa

chapter 39

tessa
as i take this test i get deja vue from last time. i had a dream last night about me having another baby. it was a boy thou i can't remember the name. Me and hardin wait for the 2 minutes to be up in the bathroom. he holds my hand.
after the 2 minutes are up i flip the test over and it reads negative.
"okay"i breathe"its fine ill take the plan b now just in case."
hardin doesn't say anything.
"is everything okay"i ask.
"yeah i was just thinking about my future with you".he gives me a smile.

a few days later.
"were home"hardin shouts into our house and we are welcomed by trish and mike. trish is holding emery. hardin still thinks mike is a wanker but doesn't say anything.
i drop my bags to go hold my baby. she's awake. her grey eyes stare into mine.
"mommys home"i say to her and she makes some random noises and it looks like she smiles but i dont know.
trish says that shes a good baby and that she would look after her anyday.
after hardin talks to his mum he comes and hold emery. i hear him talking to her which i find adorable.
after some time trish and mike leave and we are left by ourselfs.
emerys such a quiet baby when shes not crying obviously so the house is really quiet most of the time.
i lay emery on the bed next to me and give her some toys. i watch her play. it feels so unreal that shes 4 months old already.

"are my beautiful girls okay"hardin says. and i sit up.
"yeah...dont you think time has went so quick"i say"it needs to slow down"
"it has"he agrees.
"i feel like it was only a moment ago that she was born.shes growing too fast"i say stroking her head.
"i was thinking that the other day"he says sitting on the bed.
"i was just thinking about that one month during you pregnancy where i was at work 24/7 and i relapsed. i was thinking like what if you didn't knock some sense into me. where would i be right now."he says.

flashback
"i don't understand you disappearing away from me for a week will do anything about you being drained because of lawrance. i mean it must be bad if youve relapsed but you need me hardin and i need you. especially at the minute" i sob
"i dont want you to cry over me being a dickhead tess. i need to think. everything stressing me out. the book, lawrance. the fact im going to have a daughter in 2 months is a scary feeling."he explains. i dont even know if he is sober or not right now.
"well i dont think ill be able to deal with this no longer when she comes. and i wont because i dont want her growing up with parents who cant get along"i say and he gets out of the car after u park it on our drivewat.
he looks like he is going to punch somthing but i really dont want to deal with it i just want to cry it all out with no disturbances. after crying for a good 15 minutes i begin wiping my mascara from under my eyes. i hear the door creak behind me. and i see his reflection in the mirror which makes me sob even though i just finnished crying.
"tess.."he trails. outting his hands on my hips and stroking my tummy.
"no"i shake my head repeatedly.
he is still stroking my tummy and his hands on my hips.
'dont go hug him dont go hug him'my brain says but my heart says different
"you make me crazy....your insane"i say closing my eyes"you know how to make me just want to kiss you"
i turn around to him and i cry on his shoulder.
"let it out tess....im so sorry baby"
flashback over.
i dont remember much more but he promised he wouldnt do somthing like that again.but im sure he will.
"probably begging for my forgivness or somthing. that month was the worse though i never want that to happen again."i say.
"it wont i promise"
does he promise though. hes promise alot of things that he has broken. my head says but i shake it off.

"anyways lawrance has been nagging me"he says.
"about what"i ask and he has a guilty smirking face on him.
"well...i actually haven't wrote a single chapter in 4 months"he says scratching his head.
"hardin"i say"i wont be surprised if he makes you work in his offices at his place"
"ive tried writing. i cant concertrate on anything. i have no ideas. i just want to be with my family. i dont really care about my book i care about spending time with you two"he explains.
"well in your first book you wrote about us during when we had no long just met. just wrote were you left off. i mean i can remind you wha-"i say and he cuts me off.
"i dont want you to remind me about anything ive done i already know it all and i wont forget it ever.i hate writing about it. my actions were discusting towards you"he says.
"then i dont know what to say"i answer.
"didn't need you to answer"he mumbles. taking his shirt off for whatever reason.
"look"i say standing up with emery"i just want you to do what makes you happy. maybe tell lawrance you need a long break because you feel worn out. and we all know what happened last time you felt worn out."i say rubbling his shoulder.

"da da"emeey blabbers reaching out to hardin and me and hardin look so amazed. shes never spoke before.i pass him to her.
"now that's something i will never forget"hardin says as i lean on his shoulder