criminal minds oneshots

✧ i love you more, mama

tw: sh, an attempt

i returned home from a case, dropping my go bag at the door and sighing heavily. my word i was tired. i walked through to the kitchen and noticed the mess. y/n hadn't done her chores again. i was hardly home but the only thing i asked her to do was make sure the house was clean and tidy. there was plates piled by the sink, pans and food. the food stunk and it was going off. why was she making food if she wasn't eating it? i groaned and headed up stairs, calling her name. her bedroom door was open and that was just as messy as the kitchen, i couldn't see her floor. all the clean washing i did last week was sprawled all over her bed. her desk was full of crisp packets and rubbish. i was appalled. "y/n!" i shouted again, getting more annoyed. i scanned the rooms, even checking my room. the sheets were crumpled, the bed unmade - like she'd been sleeping in mine. i could hear the tap in my en-suite too. "y/n," i called, going over and knocking on the door. i heard a gasp, a weak one but a gasp and i grew confused. what was going on? "you in there babe?" i asked, knocking. i could hear her whimpering, like she was trying to hide her crying. i tried the door but it was locked. "baby," i said, growing more panicked. i knocked more and a pain grew in my chest. something was wrong. i bashed at the door, putting my fbi field knowledge to use but i couldn't quite prepare myself for what i saw.

blood. the room was dark but i could smell the metallic hint in the air. "y/n," i whispered. i turned on the light and the sight in the bath shocked me even more. she was slumped over, head against the side of the wall, legs cut open. i couldn't even form any words. my baby. her eyes were fluttering and she tilted her head back to look at me. seeing the single tear fall from her tired eyes made me break. i quickly scrambled into the bath behind her, taking my phone out my pocket. "come on baby," i whispered, cradling her. "stay with me. keep them eyes open for mama." i rang an ambulance.

the sound of the heart beat monitor was draining me. i couldn't listen to the noise any longer. i took once glance at my daughter laying almost lifeless in the hospital bed and went to throw up. i couldn't help but feel like i'd failed as a mother. the team had been calling me, texting me. the lot. i couldn't bare to answer. i was ashamed. how did i not see her get this bad? i knew she had issues, i adopted her from an abusive situation but - but this?

once i'd washed my mouth out and wiped the tears from my cheeks i headed back into the ward. however, the blonde hair made me pause. "JJ," i muttered. she was staring at y/n, not moving, seeing the bandages all across her legs and scars on her arms. "she?" she choked out, turning around to me. i just took her into my arms. we both needed the hug.

"how did you find me?" "garcia, she tracked your phone when you weren't answering. an fbi badge gets you through all sorts of security," she chuckled. i smiled softly. "why didn't you call us? at least text? we could have helped." i shrugged. "i just, i feel like it's my fault." i was honest. i wasn't used to opening up, especially about parenting but with JJ, the mother of the group, and my best friend, it seemed right. "because you weren't there for her?" she asked. she reached her hand over and took hold of my hand. i could only nod, looking over at my baby. lying there, her chest going up and down, up and down. "when roslyn died, i blamed myself for so long." she said. "i thought i had this obligation to look out for her because we were sisters but as i grew up, i realised the pain she felt. i understood that she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me." i took a deep breath. "as well, she saw me as an escape. spending time with me was her way out of it all, it was all nice and quiet when she had me there. she couldn't ruin that by telling me what was going on." i nodded, understanding. "you we're her escape em, she didn't want to ruin that beautiful relationship." "she died." i told her. "but she's here now. thanks to you."

after some time, garcia called JJ but i told her not to tell them the truth. not only was i still ashamed of myself, i didn't want her pain and suffering to be shared everywhere. JJ agreed to go work on a case, telling the team y/n was just poorly and she'll be okay soon. which she was. not a complete lie. "text me, please. if you need anything." JJ whispered, grabbing hold on my shoulders. i nodded and blinked back tears, i wasn't quite ready for her to go yet. "can you erm," i muttered. "can you send someone to go clean the house?" i asked timidly. "the bathroom- it's..." "i'll get it sorted. don't worry," she whispered. she leaned in and kissed my cheek. she then leaned down to y/n and kissed hers, stroking her hair and leaving a lingering gentle touch.

a few hours of silence later, i felt her twitch in my arms. i'd managed to slide in beside her in the bed, cuddling into her side and holding her close, yet so gently. i sat up, just in time to see her flicking her eyes open. she looked at me for a second then around at the room before closing her eyes tight. "i didn't work," she muttered, more to herself. i felt my heart break then. "thank you." she said afterwards. i looked at her in shock, she thanked me? i couldn't say anything, i just felt overwhelmed with relief and love. i lay down beside her and held her close to me, a little tighter this time. "i love you." i told her honestly. "i love you more mama."