criminal minds oneshots

✧ i know

tw: child sa

it was 4:35 am and i was exhausted.  it had been a full day of searching for and catching an unsub. ronald davies. sex offender, murderer, wife beater and father. i stood in front of him now, looking down at him. i couldn't bare the sight of his face but i gritted my teeth. "you killed them." i said. "no." he shook his head. "you did. i know you did." "how? how the fuck do you know?" "you hurt them." "i did not!" he smashed his fist on the table but i didn't dare flinch. i knew hotch was watching me, emily, jj, reid, morgan and rossi too. i wanted to scream but at the same time i had to bring this bastard to justice. "i didn't touch them." "no?" "no goddamnit." "then who did?" "i don't know!" "i know it was you." "it wasn't." "i know what you did to them ronald." "i did nothing to them." "you beat them." i whispered, leaning forwards. "day after day, you beat up your own children." "no." "but beating them up wasn't enough, was it ronald?" "you know nothing." "hayley, 5 years old." "don't talk about my daughter." "the women you killed weren't enough for you were they ronald? you had to come back to your daughter. your 5 year old daughter." he shook his head, over and over. "you knew it was wrong. that's why you left, to get your fix elsewhere but when you raped them women, all you could thing about was your little girl." "no!" he stood up but i carried on. staying strong. keeping my eyes held on his sickening ones.  "you'd climb into bed beside her, whisper that everything was okay 'daddy just had a bad dream, you can make me feel better, can't you baby?'" "you have no idea what you're talking about." "i know exactly what i'm talking about ronald and i know exactly how that little girl felt. lying there beneath you, telling herself over and over and over again she'd making daddy feel better although she wanted to push you away and scream." i felt sick now, remembering, but i had to get him to break. "hayley," he whispered. "and you would leave her afterwards. she'd lie awake for hours in the cold, shivering but unable to say a thing. because she just made daddy feel better." he shook his head over and over again. "did she make you feel better?" i screamed at him. he began to sob then. "raping your 5 year old daughter made you feel good!" i shouted, beginning to lose my temper. "that's why you killed her," i seethed. he collapsed into the chair nodding. "that's why i killed her," he confirmed.

hotch and morgan walked in then, pulling me away from the table. i ripped myself away from morgan and straight out the door. i couldn't do this. i felt sick, i felt small, raging. i pushed through the bathroom door, hearing emily shout my name. i couldn't breathe.

i crumpled to the floor, collapsing into tears. her arms were around me instantly and jj came in too. "you're okay, you're okay," emily whispered, holding me close but i needed to be sick. i pushed away from her, making my way to the toilet as i threw up all the awful memories that had filled me. i could feel him, his heat, his touch, his skin and i could smell him : smoke and beer. i threw up again. someone grabbed my hair, putting it in a bobble and i wanted to scream, cry. "we've got you," emily said, caressing my back. i don't remember anything after that.

i found myself laying on the sofa after some time. my head in jj's lap. i looked up, wiping my eyes and she sent me a gentle smile. "hey," she whispered. i watched emily come over too, from the corner of my eye. she crouched down beside me, pouting. "are you okay baby?" she whispered. my eyes welled up with tears. emily didn't know what he did to me. emily had no idea what he did to me. "i'm sorry i never told you," i replied. "no no, love don't be sorry," she replied, cupping my cheek. "shall we head home?" i only nodded, feeling tired and hungry and confused.

in the car on the way home, emily kept her hand on my thigh, caressing it and sending me small smiles. i felt guilty. out of anything, i felt horrifically guilty. "he confessed?" i asked, looking at her quickly. "he's going away for life baby, don't you worry." i nodded. "shouldn't you have stayed at work?" i asked again. "hotch gave me some time off to look after you. we have a week, just you and i." i nodded again. i wanted to sleep, i felt exhausted.

later that night, you and emily curled up in bed together, emily holding you as close as she could. you'd only just joined the bau, this was your third case but after realising the father was abusive, he became your prime suspect. emily held you so tight, you felt her love radiating through her. she loved you. wholeheartedly she adored you. and you loved her. she hadn't left your side and you hoped and prayed she wouldn't leave your side again.