Haikyuu One Shots

I can't, I'm Sorry - Kuroken (Angst)

"Hey, are you okay?" Kenma asks, breaking the silence that had been clouding them for almost half an hour. He was collecting some dishes from the dining table when he decided he needed to ask. Kuroo looks over to him from where he's standing, cleaning off the coffee table. "You've been really off all night. I'm worried." He says sincerely, cleaning task discarded as he watches Kuroo freeze, staring at the now clean glass table.

Kuroo doesn't say anything, just rises from where he was kneeling, turning to look at Kenma, eyes uncertain and looking at him in a way that had Kenma gulping. He looks at him for a moment more before breaking eye contact and walking to the kitchen with the empty glasses he had. Kenma just watches carefully, still waiting for a response.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He finally says dismissively, as if Kenma was actually going to let this go which he knew he wouldn't. "I'm fine so don't worry." He says, sounding a little frustrated as he begins to walk back to the living area. Kenma just frowns before pushing himself forward and grabbing Kuroo's wrist, stopping him before he reached the carpet. Kuroo stops but his eyes don't meet the other boys on his left, instead staring at the wall in front of him.

"Don't lie to me. Not about this." He says the last part softly, a little desperate to understand and help his best friend. Kuroo sighs, looking up at the ceiling but closing his eyes, thinking on what to say.

Finally, he slowly opens his eyes and gazes over at the boy, his expression making Kenma's heart drop a little and grip tighten.

He knows exactly what that look means. He gulps and goes to speak, "Kur–" Then Kuroo is moving walking toward him slowly, forcing Kenma to take steps backward until his back hits the table which doesn't move since it's pressed against the wall. His eyes never leave Kuroo's. He let go though, hands now gripping the table as Kuroo closes the distance between them. Kenma's breath catches when they are standing toe to toe, close enough for Kenma to worry if Kuroo can hear how fast his heart is now beating.

"Kenma," he starts but the words get caught in his throat, mind still processing as he stands there, keeping the boy trapped against the table. "Kenma, I...I want you to listen–to listen to me." Kenma's eyes widen at the timid and vulnerable expression. He gulps.

"Kuro..." His voice is almost a whisper. "Please don't..." He looks at Kuroo, pleading for the man to stop before things are said that can't be taken back. Things that cant happen. Kuroo just takes in a slow breath, eyes shutting only for a moment before he looks at Kenma again with a newfound confidence, one that makes Kenma's knees feel weak and heart pound.

"Kenma I need you to listen–"

"Please don't I–"

"I'm in love with you." Kenma's eyes widen and his heart stops, Kuroo wearing a timid smile but eyes still full of uncertainty. Kenma can't breathe, only shakes his head a little in disbelief, mouth slightly agape. Then he sighs, eyes closing for a second, trying to bury his feelings before he looks at Kuroo sadly.

"Kuro I–"

"No stop." And he does, eyes closing again to hide the fact that they started to water. "Just...listen to me. Please." Kenma looks at him again, feeling his heart tear a little at how desperate his friend looks. He caves.

"Okay." He says weakly, gripping the table more. Kuroo seems relieved which just hurts Kenma more.

"Look ok I'm sorry, for doing this but I'm...I'm so tired...of the back and forth." Kenma gulps."I just...I know you love me back and I don't want any more uncertainty. I can't have any more of that." Kenma shakes his head, wanting the situation to stop. Wanting everything to stop.

The only thing that stops though is his head when Kuroo gently grabs his chin, stopping the shaking and bringing their eyes back to each other. It's only for a moment, Kuroo's hand not leaving the boy's chin. As he brings them closer he whispers, faces close "Please forgive me." Kenma inhales sharply when there's the soft press of lips against his. And it's so good. It's everything he could have ever imagined and dreamed of and that fact alone breaks him.

His eyes slip shut though as he allows himself to feel, giving in just for one moment. He lets it happen, feels the warmth and love that is killing him in a way. He can feel a tear escape his eyelid as Kuroo slowly pulls away. His eyes open timidly, slightly afraid of the expression he'll be met with as Kenma opens his as well. Hazel meeting a glossy gold, as another tear slips down the boy's cheek. Kuroo looks at him, waiting as Kenma collects himself a little, looking up at Kuroo with so much love and pain he doesn't even know which one he feels more.

So he very hesitantly lifts his hands from where the grip the table, slowly reaching up until he's cupping Kuroo's face, looking at him with a sad smile and tears in his eyes. Kuroo leans into the touch a little while Kenma sighs.

"Oh, Kuro..." He starts slowly, thumbs gently caressing the boy's cheeks, "I love you so much." Another tear escapes while Kuroo smiles lightly. "But–"

"No." Kuroo interrupts, hand quickly clamping over Kenma's mouth to stop him, hands falling from the boy's cheeks. "No buts." He says firmly and Kenma's chest aches. He gently coaxes Kuroo's hand off his mouth, a couple more tears falling as he watches Kuroo's eyes start to gloss over. "I can't." He whispers, keeping his sad smile as if it eases the pain.

It doesn't though. Kuroo just shakes his head while Kenma holds the boy's hand in both of his. "Don't do that." He says, voice wavering a little and Kenma can't take the look he holds. So he leans up and quickly hugs the boy, head resting on Kuroo's shoulder while the other boy just stands there.

"I'm sorry, but I can't." He chokes down a sob while Kuroo's head lowers till it's resting on Kenma's shoulder. "I can't do this." He says again, unsure if it's to Kuroo or himself. He feels Kuroo shake his head against his shoulder, hears him breathe sharply a couple times.

"Ken, please..." Kenma's eyes widen and his heart crumbles, quickly pulling back to meet the boy's eyes, the boy who just used a nickname Kenma hasn't heard since middle school. The boy's cheeks are damp and eyes barely keeping more tears back. His expression hurts more than Kenma could have ever imagined. "Please," his voice breaks and Kenma can't hold back his tears anymore.

"Please don't make this harder," is all he can really manage to say. Kuroo just shakes his head.

"I do not want to hear that you cant–"

"But I can't–"

"You love me!" He raises his voice, frustrated, pulling himself away from Kenma for a moment. "You love me so stop with your 'I can't' bullshit, okay?" Kenma just shakes his eyes, trying to pull himself together. He hears Kuroo sigh and feels him get closer. "Ken–"

"Stop." He quickly says, looking at him desperately. "Please just stop–"

"No." Kuroo gets closer and grabs both of Kenma's biceps.

"Kuro–"

"Ken, please." Kenma shakes his head. "I love you." Kenma lets a few more tears fall as he grabs the boy's wrists, gently rubbing the skin as his grip weakens. He takes a deep breath and looks Kuroo in the eyes, ignoring the things his heart is screaming at him.

"I'm sorry." Is what he says, taking Kuroo's hands off his arms and gently, lovingly, holding them. "I can't..." He says once more, quietly as he watches Kuroo sigh in defeat, a few tears now falling from his sharp hazel eyes that Kenma could get lost in for hours. Kuroo pulls back, nodding and whipping his cheeks.

"Fine." He says and his voice sounds numb. Then he's walking away and Kenma starts to panic.

"Kuroo wait–"

"No, I...I can't" He doesn't even look at him when he says it, just keeps walking towards the door. Tears start to fall freely as he watches the boy slip on his shoes.

"Kuroo–" He calls again but the boy doesn't listen. And all Kenma can do is stand there, crying quietly as he watches his best friend open the door of his apartment. "Kuroo please!" He calls again but is left only watching his door shut, Kuroo now gone behind it.

Now alone, Kenma lets out a small sob, angrily kicking the table leg, hands finding and gripping his hair. He doesn't know what to do. Just cries, kicking a chair to the ground before leaning against a wall, letting himself glide to the floor in tears, heart completely shattered.

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Fun fact this is from a book series I'm writing. I just liked the scene and turned into fan fiction to post lol.

1538 words