Confessions

XLIV

Beyoncé POV

"Mommy he peed on me" Halle said walking down the stairs of Kiyana's Barbados resort home with Jori dangling in her arms

I had never seen a house this luxurious in my life and I'm worth lots of money , I was sure whatever money Kiyana was making was by for more than i had touched in my life and that was scary

I noticed the saggy pamper, wild hair and the milk stained shirt Jori wore looking like nobody took care of him in a whole day

"That's cause his diaper is overflowing, what the hell were y'all doing up there?" Kiyana asked taking her son from Halle's arms

"Well I was tryna watch TV but he kept crying so i fixed him a bottle but he just kept drinking it and crying again so i fixed another one and he drank all of it then just kept on crying, so i gave him another and he just pissed on me" Halle explained

I just shook my head knowing that common sense wasn't that common for everyone. I had to remember that Halle only been a real deal older sister for 2 days and she didn't really know any better but it was cute that she was trying

"That's wayyyy too much food baby, he's probably crying because his stomach hurts. Come here let me show you what to do" Kiyana said patiently grabbing Jori's diaper bag laying out the little changing mat

For some reason I sat their so mesmerized by how Kiyana explained and corrected Halle's wrongs with such calmness. She wasn't mad or angry at Halle for not knowing any better, she simply just taught her the right way and made her comfortable enough to tell her she didn't know what she was doing

I couldn't explain it but it was so inspiring as a mother with a rocky relationship with her daughter. Blue never talks to me about things, id be lucky to get a real answer if i asked how school was going.

After walking Halle through the steps of cleaning him up and how to correctly calm him when he cried, Jori and Halle went right back upstairs where all the rest of the kids were

"She loves him already" i laughed seeing how she hasn't put Jori down since she's met him.

Kiyana laughed shaking her head at the fact that she hadn't seen her baby all day because he's been up there with

"When the girls were younger halle would try and carry Chloe around because she was 'her baby' despite being younger and much smaller" she told me and i definitely believed that

Halle was very maternal, she loved hard and took care of everyone around her. That was just her spirit, she was troubled due to her circumstances but she was honestly the most genuine and selfless person I've ever met and i love that about her

"Blue used to do something similar with one of her American Girl dolls, I'm pretty sure she still has it to this day" i said remembering the times where Blue actually liked me.

As much as i tried to show Blue that i was trying it's like she just didn't care. I've adjusted my work schedule to be able to get extra bonding time with her in the morning and afternoon pick ups and drop offs, i take her on a mother daughter date every Wednesday to check in on her and her mental, i even play those crazy video games she likes just so i can understand her better and yet it felt like nothing had changed for us

"Why don't you give that girl a sibling B, I'm sure she would love it" Kiyana smiled nudging me playfully and i just laughed because i swear she was still the same ole Kiki from our childhood.

"As much as i love children, there's just no way i could push another child out of my vagina. Giving birth to Blue was probably the most excruciating pain I've ever experienced and i can't bring myself to go through that again" i said genuinely not seeing how she she did it 3 times