Sleepwalking // Sam Fender

19

A loud beep had me deafened. A mixture of Sam's angry words and my daughter's sobs played faintly somewhere in the room. My relationship with Sam was crumbling completely. I did not even know over what that time. I simply stopped feeling real right before the fight started because I could not take it anymore. The dullness that we found in London took the best of us and we dragged it all the way up north when we moved to Shields again once Sam's album was finished.

It did not feel right for Sam the time that I came across Alex at the park but I had to be alright with Maisie working in his very same studio. The shelter was finished and I had been busy trying to organize everything so that we could open as soon as possible and I had also been hiring staff and doing everything else. That was also a burden for Sam, who often had to 'stay at home' with Beth (or rather taking her to Shirley's as he went out to the closest pub).

"So, you're just gonna stay silent now?" The beep stopped suddenly, right in time for letting me hear those words. As I came out of my own world, I became aware of surroundings: Beth had left the room but her sobs could still be heard from the living room and Sam was standing in front of me as I was sat on the couch.

"Sorry, what?" Sam's eyes opened wide.

"You weren't listening, were you?" I did not say a word, he did not need an answer. "You are amazing, you are the reason why this keeps on happening. I can't talk to you; you never listen to me"

I let him talk and talk and talk as he blamed all of this on me (again).

"Maybe we just need a break" I interrupted him.

"What?" He leaned down to me.

"Maybe we need to stop" I looked at him, who seemed to be speechless now.

"You wanna break now or...?" Sam sat down beside me.

"Not like that" I turned to him. "I mean... having time for us. Like proper time. Maybe going on holidays or somethings" I shrugged.

"We don't have money for that" Sam frowned.

"We do have some savings and your singles are doing well, I'm sure you'll get something from that soon" Sam sighed. "Hey, love" I took his hands in mine. "I want to make this work, alright? I want to be Sam and Alice and just get it right, yeah?"

"Yeah, we'll go on holidays or something in summer"

And that's mainly how the three of us ended up in a plane on our way to Malaga in mid-July. Beth was sat down between Sam and I and I watched as they spent the entire trip looking through the window and trying to guess where we were.

In our minds, Spain during summer seemed nice but it was an oven. Literally. I still wonder how Spanish people can get things done when it's forty degrees outside. And to this, we did not even stop to consider that my pregnancy with the heat were not going to get along. Still, our days consisted in getting up early, going down to the hotel's cafeteria to have breakfast, spend the morning at the beach. The afternoons were devoted to shopping or visiting landmarks.

"I like it here" Sam said as we walked along the city's main park. "We could buy ourselves a house by the beach, come here with the kids in summer and have another place to call a home" I frowned.

"I thought you hated the heat?" Beth was ahead of us, paying attention to every single plant and tree that she saw.

"It's alright, I guess that you get used to it" Sam grabbed my waist and pulled me close to him as we walked. "The belly looks nice on you"

"Oi, last kid we are having for a while" I warned him.

"For a while" He stayed a few seconds in silence. "I'd like to have a girl as well"

"You already have Beth" I was not that sure about having another baby as we would be five and there was no way that we could cope with three children.

"I don't think she sees me as her dad" Sam shrugged.

"What do you mean she doesn't see you as her dad? That kid is obsessed with you, love"

"Sam" Beth called as she ran to him. "Up"

"How do you ask for things, darling?" Sam said.

"Up, please?" Sam did as she asked as sat her down on his shoulders. Sam was blind if he was not able to see how much Beth truly loved him.

Just a day before we headed back to England, while we were at the beach, Beth made it clear to Sam that he was like a father to her.

I was peacefully sunbathing while they were having fun at the shore. A book was resting on my belly as Elliott started kicking me as hard as he could. Sam said that he was practicing to score a goal.

"Hey you" I rubbed my belly as I spoke as it seemed to calm the child down. "Can you behave and treat mom nicely?" Sam and Beth made their way to me as I said those words.

"Is he moving?" Sam put his hand on my belly to be welcomed with a kick. "What a lad. You're gonna end up playing for Newcastle, aye?"

"He's not even here yet and you're already planning his life. Let him be" I told Sam.

"Dad" It came from Beth and she was calling Sam. Sam and I looked at each other in shock. "Do you want to build a sand castle with me?" She had already opened the bag in which her toys were in.

"Uh" Sam was speechless. "Sure, uh"

"Go help her before she gets all the sand in the bag" I told him with a smile.

"Yeah, sure" And that's how Sam became Beth's second father.

Those holidays marked the end of our fights for a pretty long time and at the same time, they were a break for what was coming next for the soon to be the Fender family.