Sleepwalking // Sam Fender

6

You know when they say that all boys act the same but you choose not to believe it because a slight part of you wants to think different? Well, what I thought that was the beginning of a genuine connection with Sam was a complete and utter bullshit.

November the 30th. No sign of him since mid-October. Since that last night we were together. He never called again once he left, he would be very very busy when me and my friends went to the Lowlights and would never at Shirley's anymore when he knew that we were around. It took me about a week and a half to stop showing up at the bar, at Shirley's and at any place where I could come across him.

It hurt because I did not take him for a coward or a player but Beth... The poor kid considered Sam as her second father and she had not been taking well the fact that he was not around anymore. It may have something to do with the fact that I could give her no explanation as to what it happened between me and him.

I was supposed to be at the pub tonight with the girls and Sam's group. They gave another concert today as well but I stayed home. Beth had also come down with a cold or something so I had to stay with her anyways. I took her to school, went to work, picked her up and we spent the rest of the day cuddling in the couch while watching Disney movies. We were currently watching Inside Out for the fifth time this month.

I had some exciting news to share with... my pillow. The animal shelter was under construction, finally. I had teamed up with other few girls who were working at local shelters or doing their own thing to help the animals around and we raised enough money to make our dream come true. Every now and then I had a thirty-hour drive down to Durham to check its state.

Anyways, Beth was falling asleep in my lap while wearing her coziest pajamas. We had a girls' night in which we did our skin care, got a relaxing bath (much needed for the feverish child), had some pizza and I even let her drink half a glass of coke. She was knackered. I had thought about calling my boss and asking him for a free day tomorrow but he would not be happy about it and I was not his favorite worker.

My eyes were starting to close as well. I must admit that those kinds of lazy afternoons were my favorite and the rainy atmosphere of Newcastle almost invited everyone to grab a blanket and stay inside. At least, until I heard a knock on the door. At almost 10pm. I opened my eyes as my heart raced a little as I was expecting no one to show up at my door at this time. I yawned and stretched before quietly moving my daughter out of my lap. I made my way to the front door to find no other than Sam Fender.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I was not in my best mood nor my best clothes.

"Can I come in?" The boy in a leather jacket asked.

"No" I defensively stood in front of the door as if he was going to try to force his way in.

"Alright" He said. After that, the stupid boy had the audacity to stay there in complete silence. Simply looking at me.

"You want anything or can I go back inside?" I asked after a few seconds, which felt like an eternity.

He shrugged. "Can we talk?" This man. This man I swear.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked rather annoyed.

"What aren't you at the Lowlights? Your friends are there and it's pub night" I opened my eyes wide. You know when men say that women are incomprehensible? That is because they have never tried to date another man.

"Sorry?"

"And my mam said that you two stopped showing up at hers" He then said.

"Sorry?" Is all I could manage to say. "I don't get it. What's your deal?"

"What do you mean what's my-"

"You dare to come here, ask me why I am not around and why my daughter hasn't been visiting you mom after you kissed me and vanished?" I said. Sam opened his mouth to say something but no words were coming out of it. "That's what I thought. My friends said that you were a keeper. They have never so wrong, Sam. You are not worth not even a minute of anyone's time. You're still a child" I was 25, he was 22. Maybe I was a bit too much now looking back at it. I was on the verge of tears tho. I really thought that it was going to be different with him this time.

"Alice" He reached out to hold my hand but I did not let him.

"No Sam. I told you how difficult it has been for me to trust anyone since my divorce. And right after that day, you simply leave" I was crying.

"I-I didn't mean to" As I held myself, Sam grabbed my chin and lifted it, drying my tears with his thumbs.

"And why did you do it?" I did not want to know the answer. Not entirely at least.

Again, he opened his mouth but he did not say a word. After a minute or around, he talked again. "A lot has been going on and I could not understand myself, I did not want to be a burden to any of you until I cleared my head. My dad's around, which I mean, it's alright. Maisie has been around a lot more than I wanted these days and... We may have a record deal" I stood there, frozen, trying to organize my thoughts.

"You guys got signed?" I managed to say.

"Not yet" A small smile appeared on both of our faces.

"And... Are you and Maisie?"

"No. Oh God no. She always comes back but I don't want her back this time. She's no good for me and someone else has caught my eye" I smiled again. A few tears were left in my face, which I managed to dry with my forearms.

"You can't do this again" I told him as an almost thread.

"I won't. I am sorry, Alice" He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, simply taking in the moment as his cheek rested on my forehead.

"Do you want to come in? It's freezing here, Beth is ill and I think I might be a bit feverish now" Sam smile and grabbed my hand.

"Go on then, I have to take care of my girls"