serendipity | completed

chapter 10

i sit behind the wheel and stare at the white building ahead of me. i sigh gently and undo my seatbelt.

the last time i was here i was only told my cancer was getting worse and will only continue to spread. but recently, i've felt nothing but happiness. every now and then i'll have to throw up or i won't be in the mood to eat, but my main achievement is that i've finally begun to write again.

i don't dread opening my laptop and beginning new work. in fact, i've reached the point where i have my entire story planned out.

i feel as though this newfound happiness will only be cut short after today's appointment. he may only tell me that i'm reaching my final stretch with this disease and that i only have a few weeks left to live. admittedly, i'm terrified,

i'm terrified of the news that awaits me this evening. what words will leave his mouth and how will i continue to move on with the path of growth i've only just started on?

"han y/n, here to see doctor kang." the receptionist types away on her keyboard before looking up at me with a smile. "here you are," she hands me a yellow slip through the glass. "head on right through those doors and it's the office at the end of the hall."

i thank her with a nod and take the slip.

my leg bounces impatiently as my heart races. i had to lie to taehyung and tell him i needed to run a few errands. as much as i think him being here would comfort me and relax my nerves, i was firm on hiding it from him as long as i could.

a relationship is built around trust and honesty. if taehyung found out that i'd been lying to him about something so major, he'd probably flip. he may even get so angry he'd call things off between us. my thoughts begin to roam so fast that i don't even realize my doctor walk in.

"y/n!" i look up and see his fingers snapping in my face. my knee stops it's rapid bounce as i plant a grin on my lips. his look of concern seeps away as he backs up and sets his clipboard on the counter. "doctor kang sorry i didn't see you there." he nods and digs his hands deep in his pockets.

"yes, i see that," he sighs and grabs his clipboard before looking back up at me. "y/n i don't know how it's possible but, your body seems to be fighting off the virus much better than last time." as he reads my results his eyes are glued on the sheet of paper. but there's a look of concern as his eyes scan the sheet. why isn't he excited or happy for me?

i tug on the strap of my purse and sit up straight. although doctor kang's enthusiasm lacks, my cheeks are already beginning to hurt from how big my smile is right now. i could jump to my feet and start break dancing, but i knew that was extremely unprofessional in this setting.

"really?" i question, sounding like an anxious child who's just been told they can go to the park.

he nods but kisses his teeth subsequently, "my only concern is how fast you're recovering y/n." he sets the clipboard down and finally locks eyes with me.

"is that a bad thing?" he shakes his head and leans against the counter next to him. "not necessarily. there's a possibility that this clearing could be a drawback for a flare. you know like with a tsunami; the water pulls back before a huge thrash of it reenters. my only worry is that the cells may be clearing up to come back with just as much force." at this my heart drops.

my happiness is short-lived, and i'm only right back to where i started. my worries skyrocket as i process the news i've been given. yes, the cancerous cells have slowly started to descend, but this does not mean they're gone for good. this just only leaves me taking steps backward. i was now at a 50-50 chance of death once again.

my shoulders slump and i feel small all over again. i can't sit tall and mighty, i'm too afraid to put on a front of bravery.

"i do hope you realize this is still a big step in recovery. my worry is only a concern and not a certain outcome. for all we know the cells dispersing slowly may be the start of an entire wipeout." he smiles and i do only for a second. my throat aches, and i pray and pray that i don't burst into tears right in front of my doctor.

i stand to my feet and sigh. "thank you mr. kang." he purses his lips and nods before opening the door for me.

"fuck fuck fuck!" i scream inside my car and slam my hands down on the steering wheel. i'm sure i looked like a mad woman to anyone who saw me from the outside.

i was overwhelmed, angry, and frustrated. why won't this stupid virus go away? why me?

tears stream down my face, but it's not a sad and sorrowful cry. more of like a furious and fed up one. i bury my face in the palm of my hands and scream some more. my head is pounding and i look up at the hospital wrapping my hands around my wheel.

my knuckles shift white from the amount of force i gripped the wheel with. my eyes were locked on the building ahead. i wonder if driving full speed into the brick walls of the hospital could kill me.

my foot hovers over the pedal and i slowly lower it. there's a maniacal smile on my lips, but before my foot can stomp down on the gas,

there's a knock on my window.

i draw my hands and foot back and whip my head to the glass. bent over with a smile on their face is jeong hyun aka my boss' assistant aka my cousin.

i roll my window down slowly and force a smile on my lips, pretending as if i hadn't just been milliseconds away from killing myself and possibly others.

"jeong hyun...hey!" i stifle an awkward laugh as the same unsettling smile is still present on his lips. "there she is! we've been searching the earth for you!"

once again i can't help but blink and laugh. only i know what thoughts just ran through my head and what actions i almost took, but for some reason i feel as though he's completely aware of it as well.

"is everything okay? monthly checkup?" he winks and leans forward with a burst of laughter, his hand falling on the rooftop of my car. i get what he's referring to, but it isn't funny. i fake another laugh for the third time and look back at the hospital.

"aha no, i um came to get my flu shot," he nods and stuffs his hands deep into his pockets. "what about you why are you here?" i ask and place my hands on the wheel, hoping he would catch a hint.

"i'm here for a vasectomy." at this i can't help but silently mumble, "oh."

"yeah stephanie was definitely hashtag over it." he makes a slicing notion towards his neck as i simply nod. "yes well i hope that goes good for you. it was nice catching up but i have to go." i buckle my seatbelt as he takes a step back from my car.

"yes it was great, hopefully i'll see you soon!"

"i'm sure i'll see you at the wedding." i beam and shift my gear into drive as his face seeps with confusion. "wedding? what wedding?" at this i pause and stare dead at his face. this time, his presence doesn't hold me back from slamming down on the gas and speeding out of the parking lot.

end.