darkest hour

discomfort in comfort

2 months later

Carinas pov

Y/n answers the FaceTime, she's in Annie's room. Her face looks drained, she seems exhausted. "Hi Bambina, is now an okay time?" I say. "It's a great time mama, I needed a break from studying anyways." She replies.

"Midterms?" I ask, recalling the countless nights I stayed awake studying through my years of schooling. She nods, holding up her notebook which is covered in scribbles words. "Make sure you're taking care of yourself, Bella" I say, giving her my 'mom' look. "Don't worry Carina, I've got her" I hear Annie say.  

I smile and wave as Annie walks into the back of the camera view. "How are you doing?" I ask, my heart melting knowing how happy they are together. "I am doing pretty well, I only have two midterms, and both are easy classes." She replies.

Maya sits next to me on the couch, her arm around my shoulders. "Hi y/n, hi Annie" she says, followed almost immediately by a yawn. "You alright mom?" Y/n says. "Yes, just tired" Maya replies. "Bambina actually..." I start but Maya hits my leg and cuts me off, giving me a glare.

Y/n's pov

We talk for a while about school, Luna, soccer, etc. Eventually we hang up, and Annie places a kiss on my cheek. Her hands move to my shoulders, working out knots formed from my terrible posture. I stand up and stretch out a little, knowing the workout in the morning is going to be tough.

"I think I've done enough for today. I'm tired, and we have a workout at 6." I say, reaching in my bag to grab my toothbrush and pjs. Annie's roommate never showed, so she has the room to herself. I'm always here so my roommate lucked out too. Annie gets in bed, as I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Annie's pov

Y/n comes back to bed and rests her head on my chest. I lightly scratch her back. I can tell she's so stressed right now, I don't want her to burn out. I'm worried about her. I mean, I'm always worried about her, I love her, but I'm extra worried about her. I thought about texting carina, but I don't want to create a problem if there isn't one to start with.

I hear her light snores, which lets me know she's passed out. I plug her phone in, and set my alarm for 5:15. I can't seem to shut my brain off, which means I can't sleep. I love her so much. I can't imagine not being with her. It's only been a year, I know, but I can't imagine life without her. I just hope she knows how much she means to me.

Carinas pov

As soon as we hang up, I turn to Maya, who is nervously bouncing her leg. "I'm sorry, I didn't.. I can't." She says. I place my hand gently on her leg, reminding her I'm here. "Bambina, breathe. Look in my eyes, and take a deep breath." I say. As soon as we lock eyes, I see the panic in hers. "Can I hold you?" I ask. She nods.

I wrap my body around hers, holding her tight. She begins to sob on my shoulder. "I'm sorry" she says through sobs. "Maya, it's okay. Please just breathe for me." I say quietly.

Her breathing calms down, but she doesn't let go. "I couldn't tell her. Not yet. I.. I'm so afraid we're going to lose the baby again. She was so excited." She says quietly in my ear. I pull her head off my shoulder and let our eyes lock. "Maya. We're not going to lose the baby. We can tell her whenever you're comfortable, okay?" I say, she nods.

"I thought I was ready, I thought I was through the grief" she says, "but I'm not." She adds. I feel tears form in my eyes. It hurts to know how harsh Maya is on herself. It hurts even more to know that it stems from her father. Now, she knows she can finally feel emotions, but doesn't know how to deal with them.

"Bambina. Listen to me." I start, putting my hands on the side of her face. "Grief doesn't just 'go away'. It's always going to hurt, it's always going to be difficult. It gets easier to deal with, but it never goes away. It's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to be upset. Just don't let it consume you." I say. That advice is what my therapist told me after Andrea died.

"I love you. You're perfect." Maya says, "I'm nowhere near perfect, Bella. I love you too.". She takes a deep breath, looking down. "You're perfect to me." She replies. "Can we go to bed?" She adds after a few seconds. "Of course." I say helping her up.

We head to bed, she cuddles up to me. She falls asleep instantly, leaving me awake with my brain going non stop. I'm worried about y/n, and about Maya. I know it's normal to be nervous sometimes, but my anxiety has been so bad lately. I run my fingers through her hair as she snores softly. "I love you Bella" I whisper to her.