It was bittersweet watching him beg on his knees for me to recognize and accept his feelings. Ngunit hindi ko magawang maniwala dahil natatakot ako. I was scared that maybe he was just lying. I was scared that he was just doing that to get even with my cousin because she dumped him and now she's already happy with someone else. I was scared because it's too surreal.
Ang sabi nya ay hindi nya gusto ang pinsan ko pero hindi ako pwedeng magkamali dahil narinig ko kung paano sila umamin sa isa't-isa. Hindi ko alam kung kanino ako maniniwala.
Why would they deny it in the first place? Bakit bigla na lang nagkaganoon?
"A penny for your thoughts?"
I was drowning in my own thoughts when I felt someone sitting beside me on the bench where I was sitting.
I glanced at him. It's Tobi.
"Hey," I greeted him weakly.
His face looked bothered, but he smiled at me.
"Hello, Yari," he greeted back.
I nodded. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa harapan. Hindi ko inaasahan na alam nya rin kung saan ang location ng park na ito. Kaunti lang kasi ang may alam ng lugar na 'to at iilan lang ang bumibisita.
He shifted his position.
"How's your day?" he asked casually.
I smiled wearily.
It's been a hellish day for me, Tob.
"My heart is shattered today," I said weakly, but enough for him to hear me clearly.
The truth is, I wanted to cry, but I no longer have the energy to cry my ass out. Everything feels tiring and exhausting. I feel like my body will give up on me. Sa bigat siguro ng pasan nito.
I felt him stare at me. My eyes remain in front.
"What happened?" he asked, and there was so much carefulness in his voice.
My emotions started to stir when I heard his question. But I kept myself from crying.
"I hurt him because I was hurting." I sobbed.
Alam ko ang mali ko. Hindi ko sya pinagbigyan na ipaliwanag ng maayos ang sarili nya. Pinangunahan ko sya sa nararamdaman nya sa'kin. He cried because I was too cruel.
When I left him there, I saw how his walls crumbled. I saw the pain in his eyes. Nakita ko kung pa'no nawala ang determinasyon sa mata nya na habulin ako dahil sa panghihina.
We were both consumed by the confrontation.
"Maybe you just need time, Yari. You were probably shocked and confused, and you feel terrible. You have your reason, and that's the most important." he was trying to comfort me.
I shook my head.
But it's not right. Mali pa rin.
"Do you love him?" he asked in his serious voice this time.
I fucking do. I love him.
"Loving him is a mistake, Tob. He's not for me," I chuckled sarcastically.
He chuckled.
"Love is never a mistake. We make mistakes all the time, but love is not one of them. I would never call something as beautiful as love a mistake." saad nya.
I smiled bitterly.
If dad loves my mother, then it's not a mistake even though he's married? My father cheated for love, so it was not a mistake? And my mother had an affair with a married man out of love and it wasn't a mistake? But I'm a mistake. I was labeled as the mistake they'd make.
