You can't have something that is too much for you. Every day, I always ask myself if I can find the happiness that I've always wanted. That after all the heartbreaks, I can fill my shattered pieces on my own without anyone's help.
It sucks because the main cause of my agony is my existence.
"You're spacing out, Ingrid." Ate Salisha commented. Mabilis akong nahatak sa reyalidad dahil sa bigla nyang pagsasalita.
I smiled a bit and shook my head.
"I'm sorry, Ate. What were you saying?" tanong ko at nilingon sya.
She squinted her eyes at me and sighed.
"These past few days, you've been like that. Is everything stressing you out?" she asked.
I stared at her for a long time. Lagi ko na lang syang pinagaalala. Ayokong maging pabigat sa kapatid ko. Ayokong dalhin nya rin ang pasanin ko.
"I'm fine, Ate. Wala kang dapat ipagalala may iniisip lang ako." nakangiting sabi ko.
Her eyes remained on me. For sure, she's not buying what I've said. She nodded, not asking further.
"Your birthday is coming. Where do you want to celebrate?" tanong nya.
Natigilan ako roon. Ngayon ko lang naalala ang tungkol doon. Pati ang kaarawan ko ay nakalimutan ko na.
I bit my lower lip and answered. "I don't want to celebrate my birthday, Ate..."
Her expression changed. May nakita akong lungkot doon.
"Why?" she asked almost in a whisper. Yumuko ako at iniwasan ang tingin nya sa'kin.
"I just don't feel like celebrating. Besides, Daddy will be mad, Ate. Ayaw nyang naaalala ang araw na 'yon." paliwanag ko.
"I can do something about it, Ingrid. Kung gusto mo talaga ay kaya kong gawan ng paraan." aniya.
Bumuntong hininga ako at umiling desidido na sa gustong mangyari.
"Kung magbabago ang isip mo ay sabihin mo lang sa akin." she said and smiled at me softly.
The sun is scorching hot. Katatapos lang ng klase ko sa umaga. Ramdam ko ang init na tumatagos sa aking katawan. Beads of sweat are forming in my forehead. I walked in a fast-paced hanggang sa makarating ako sa labas ng campus. Inilibot ko ang paningin sa mga kainan na pwedeng puntahan. Luckily, there's a tea shop that is not crowded.
Naglakad ako papunta roon at sinalubong ng guard. Nakangiti itong bumati sa akin na sinuklian ko naman.
"Good afternoon po..." nakangiting bati ko. Pinagbuksan nya ako ng glass door at mahina akong nagpasalamat.
My eyes wander around the shop. Iba-ibang klase nang tea ang binebenta nila. Mayroon ding available na pastries.
Not bad. I said in my mind.
"Good afternoon, ma'am! Can I take your order?" nakangiting tanong nito. I smiled back and glance at the menu placed above the counter.
"I would like to order one iced tea and one baked cheesecake," I said.
"Okay, ma'am, your order will be ready in a while." sabi nya inabot ko naman ang card ko at naghanap na ng mauupuan.
Sa may bandang gilid ako umupo bakante roon at malamig. I sighed and placed my things beside me.
Ang loner ko naman dito. Bahagya akong napasimangot dahil sa naisip. Wala naman kasi akong kaibigan. Sa ganda kong 'to walang gustong makipagkaibigan sa'kin.
