"Do you want me to set you up with my brother, Rie?" Ashley asked.
Kumunot ang noo ko sa tanong nya.
"What?" I looked at her weirdly.
She's so random.
She pouted and made a face. I playfully rolled my eyes.
"So you can have a love life na!" she laughed crazily. Para pa syang kinikilig sa mismong suhestiyon nya. Unbelievable.
Sumimangot ako at mahina syang binatukan. As if I have time for that. Ang dami ko na ngang problema dadagdagan ko pa?
"No thanks," I said.
Tinaas nya naman ang kamay nya bilang pagsuko. "Okay fine!"
I let myself drown in the scenery in front of us. We're currently on the beach. It was a public one. We just saw ourselves going here without any reason. The beauty of the ocean blends well with the sky. It looks mesmerizing, peaceful, and beautiful. The waves crushing against the shore is perfect for the ears. It is so relaxing.
"Rie?" she called me while playing in the sand.
I gave her my attention and asked, "Why?"
The wind blew harshly, but it gave me a relief. A small smile formed on my lips.
"Are you close with your sister?" she asked with a voice filled with curiosity.
I nodded and drew my attention to the waves.
"We're really close. She's the best..." No doubt.
She giggled.
"She's pretty! I think I'm a fan!" she squealed.
I laughed. "I will introduce you to her, if you want?"
"Really!?" she screamed.
I faced her and smiled widely while nodding. She's getting hyper na.
"Oh my gosh, Rie! I'm so excited! Are you sure?" I chuckled and nodded.
"I really love you!" she said, hyperventilating.
"How about you, Ash? Do you have a sister?" I asked.
Doon ko napagtanto na wala pa akong gaanong alam sa kanya. So I should grab this chance to know her deeper. After all she's my friend. I should know her well. Hindi lang sya sa akin kung 'di ako rin sakanya. Friendship should be balance. Dapat hindi lang isa ang nag-e-effort.
"I don't have a sister, Rie. But I have an older brother!" she exclaimed.
She looked happy when I asked her. Ashley is a precious one, indeed.
"I see. The one you are pairing with me?" tanong ko at tinaasan sya ng kilay.
Natawa naman sya at tinakpan ang mukha.
"Exactly! I think bagay kayo!" she said her eyes were twinkling.
Napailing na lang ako.
"Ayaw ko nga sa mas matanda satin..." sabi ko.
"Kaedaran lang sya ni Ate Salisha! Gwapo ang kuya ko, Rie! Mas matino pa 'yon sa akin!" natatawang aniya.
Natawa rin ako. Kailan ba sya naging matino? Nagdududa na talaga ako agad sa kapatid nya. Dahil iba ata ang kahulugan nya sa matino.
I made a face and said, "If you say so."
She looked offended and reached for my arms. Pero bago pa man nya ako maabot ay tumayo na ako at tumakbo papalayo sakanya. Tawa ako nang tawa habang hinahabol nya ako gamit ang sibaktol na mukha. Nauwi sa habulan at asaran ang huling oras namin doon.
It was a great experience. We had fun.
I was walking towards the entrance of our department building when I accidentally bumped into Kice. I automatically bowed my head and murmured my apology.
I was about to leave first because I was eager to avoid him, but he suddenly called out my name, that made me stop on my way.
"Yariene..." he uttered coldly.
I swallowed hard and sighed heavily.
What is it this time, Kice?
I faced him and didn't bother to smile.
"Yes?" I asked casually.
I looked tough on the outside, but I'm already trembling inside. Pati ang paro-paro sa tiyan ko ay hindi halos magkamaliw sa presensya nya. At halos habulin ko ang hininga dahil sa bilis ng tibok ng puso ko!
Tanginang epekto 'yan! Magkakasakit pa ata ako! Ramdam ko ang pawis na namumuo sa noo at leeg ko.
Fuck. I'm so tensed! And I hope he couldn't sense it.
He stared at me intently before answering.
"You looked pale. Are you sick?" he asked.
I was stunned. Matagal bago ko na-comprehend ang tanong nya.
Maputla ako? I didn't know, but I'm feeling just fine. Wala namang masakit sa akin.
"I'm fine, and I'm not sick. Maybe it's because of the weather. It's too hot." I replied casually.
Oh my, I'm getting good at this, huh?
Kaya ko naman pala syang tiisin kahit papano. Sana kaya ko rin syang ialis sa sistema ko.
He nodded and handed me his handkerchief. I stared at it and gave him a questioning look.
"You might need it." He sternly said.
His jaw clenched when I didn't bother getting it.
Ayaw kong kunin. May pumipigil sa akin na kunin iyon. Para bang kapag kinuha ko iyon ay mas lalo ko lang pinatunayan sa sarili na malalim na ang nararamdaman ko sakanya. Takot akong matuklasan ang parteng iyon. Ayaw ko. Hindi ko pa kaya. Huwag muna.
Umiling ako.
"Mayroon akong panyo hindi na kailangan. Salamat na lang." I said it coldly, drawing some lines.
This is wrong. I should start getting rid of my feelings for him.
He chuckled and licked his lower lip, like I said something ridiculous. Malamig at mariin ang tingin nya sa akin na tila ba galit.
Ibinaba nya ang kamay nya at tumango. I saw his fist clenched kaya nalukot ang maayos na tuping panyo.
"Fine." he said that and walked away. Nabitawan nya pa ang panyo ngunit hindi nya na ito binalikan pa.
I'm so confused.
You are confusing the hell out of me, Kice.
Naglakad ako sa lugar kung saan nahulog ang panyo at madaling kinuha iyon. Pinagpag ko iyon at pinagmasdang mabuti.
Alam nya kayang pupulutin ko ang panyo nya kaya hindi na nya binalikan?
O sinadya nya talagang iwan?
Ano bang nasa isip nya? Hindi ko sya maintindihan.
Muli kong tinignan ang lugar kung saan sya dumaan at humugot ng malalim na hininga. Napapikit ako habang mahigpit na hawak ang panyo.
Huwag mo akong paasahin, Kice.
I can't do it. Hindi ko kayang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko nang matagal na panahon. Ayaw kong malaman ito ni Cress. Hindi pwede..Hindi maaari.
Huwag mo akong bigyan ng motibo. Because honestly, for the first time in my life, I want to be selfish. I want to be happy, but at the same time, I shouldn't. I'll just hurt the people around me because I felt the need to choose myself, and I can't. I'm so torn ang hirap hirap naman.
I'm scared of what will be the out come of this foreign feeling that I have. I'm not sure if I can handle it. I'm not ready to face it. But I can feel it; the thing is, I keep on denying it. It's becoming stronger that I could assume a negative result.
I sobbed, and tears began to fall.
My dreams are much happier than my awakening.
