Moonlight: Stars, Eclipses, & Full Moons

The Same Page

Baekhyun's POV

My mom always used to say ignoring the things that bother you doesn't make them go away, but I've actually found that it does. Well, not entirely, but taking a moment to deliberately dissociate has helped me look at the problems in my life from a more objective angle. What would I do if I wasn't so stressed? What would the logical and completely sensical version of myself do to find the best solution? Those are questions I can only answer if I space out and remove myself from whatever overstimulating situation I'm in. And once I have the answer, I'm able to return to said situation and make an honest and reasonable attempt at solving the problem.

I started doing a lot of deliberate dissociating after my children were born. Call me naive, but I didn't think raising three kids would be that hard. I mean, I knew it would be to some degree, but I never thought it'd be so...overwhelming. I thought there'd be more good times than bad times, and that even through the sleepless nights, I'd still be able to look at them and feel the most joy I've ever felt in my life. That's what was supposed to happen, I thought. 

Well, what a crock of shit that was. I became more on edge than I ever remember being, constantly worried that the moment one kid calmed down, another one would start bawling and throwing a fit, which would then set off the other two all over. I was exhausted all the time, so I had literally zero motivation to do anything but sleep in my down time--that is if and when I got it. It was no wonder I turned to wine for relief so often. 

Then, I was foolish enough to think it'd get better after they were older. But no, it didn't. It, in fact, got worse, if that's imaginable. I suppose it wouldn't be fair to blame it all on Chanyeol; I had my faults as a parent and was still stubborn as hell when it came to doing things my way. But it would have been nice to have a partner who was at least willing to compromise and try to get on the same page as me? Damn right it would have. At one point, it was starting to feel like he was purposely going against me--if I said left, he said right; if I said stop, he said go. And this, of course, made me out to be the "mean" parent, the one who was forced to put their foot down after their dad was lenient. As one can imagine, this didn't make for a very functional household.

"Park Hyunmin, I swear to all that is good in this world, if you don't stop running in circles around the couch, I will tie your feet together." He stopped immediately but gave me the most annoyed, sassy scowl. "Don't look at me like that. I've asked you nicely and did you listen? No."

"But I'm boredddddd," he whined loudly, dramatically tossing his head back. "What's the fun in baking cookies if we have to wait for them to be done?"

I groaned with widened eyes. "It's called patience, sweetie. You should try and find some," I said, still trying to put the biggest smile on my face as I could. 

"I don't want to be patient."

"And I don't want to sit here and listen to your complaining, but we can't all get what we want now can we?" I snapped back. His eyes narrowed again, and it reminded me that he sure did a whole lot of glaring for a seven-year-old.

"I'm gonna tell dad you were being mean to me," he said, hands now on his hips. 

I rolled my eyes. "I dare you." I turned around in my chair. "Why should I care if he doesn't?" I added in the form of an under-the-breath mutter afterward. "Go upstairs and play with your siblings, you know the only two Park family members who seem to know the virtue of patience?"

He groaned in disinterest. "They're playing school again and I don't wanna do that. I hate school," he said, mumbling at the end. "I'd rather go play outside."

"Then why don't you go try and compromise with them?" I spun around to look at him again, seeing that his pout hadn't faded but instead only deepened. "Tell them that physical education is just as important as math and maybe then they'll go outside with you. That way, by the time gym class is over, the cookies will be out of the oven and cooled and we can decorate them."