Forbidden Love

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S O L E I L

Out of everyone in my family that could've died, it just had to be my mother, hadnt it?

Couldn't it have been that evil grandmother of mine who's probably closer to dying than anyone else, and the fact that she thinks she's young but instead she's literally a living vampire that doesn't seem to die. Doesn't seem like it'll be anytime soon either.

God, I hate her.

I miss my mother though, and the only way I seem to be able to cope is with my sense of humour that seems to get darker and darker every second.

Sometimes I'm glad people can't read minds or I would be sent to the mental hospital.

I sometimes feel like I should be sent to one. Atleast I'm aware of it.

Some people aren't.

Living in New York is like a movie, except an R rated one because the amount of dicks I see per week from those drunk old men make me gag.

No one talks about this side of New York. Seriously, its like no one has shame.

If I could, id walk freely naked on the streets but I have self respect, unlike some others.

Though whoever gets to see me naked are some lucky bitches because God must've loved me when he was creating me.

I am absolutely fabulous.

Keep telling yourself that.

A month ago, just after the death of my mother, I had signed up for an exchange program in New York itself, but in NorthFields Academy, my absolute nightmare and my rival till I die.

Why? I gaslighted myself to think that I needed to think of something else other than my dead mother and that this program would be perfect. And I really didn't think I'd get in but here we are.

And so did Lucas? Isn't he dumb as shit or something?

Oh, that's right, the whole football team got in, even if they're dumb as shit. If only life was this easy.

I completely regret my decision because this feels like an absolute nightmare.

Worse, I have no friends. I do, but that's my brother, he doesn't really count. I'm not even that weird, its just that anytime someone socialised with me, my awkwardness takes over and i never get talked to again.

Their loss.

My brother was popular as hell. Any guesses? That's right, he was a football player and attractive- which I don't really see but okay. He had more friends that I could count which made me a complete loner. Yes, he's tried to get me to befriend his teammates but really?

Would i really befriend a group of guys who smell like rotting fish and stare down at me like im prey and they're the predator? I get that I am absolutely jaw dropping but come on man, keep it in your underwear.

Back to the exchange program, it seems as if I will be spending a month and a half at that thing because whether I like it or not, I need something fresh for a little. And this'll be amazing for college.