Chapter Twentyeight: Love Me Tender

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He is so beautiful 😋---

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He is so beautiful 😋
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If I'm being completely honest with myself I have way too much going on in my life right now to be dealing with invitations from playboy. Yesterday, after I had opened the letter I shoved it into my bedroom drawer for safe keeping. When I'm ready I'll go back to it or whatever.

Today was the day the guys came home, well today was the day duff came to visit and Saul got out of rehab. He wasn't in there long so I'm guessing he still has a long way to go, but I spoke on the phone this morning with Axl. He told me Saul wasn't addicted as such, he just messed around but if I hadn't of left that day at the arena, Axl said he doesn't think he would of had a chance of getting clean. That alone made me feel better. Saul is going to be okay, I'll go and visit him sooner or later.

"Would you pass me the tape" Lola sighed, struggling to keep a steady balance on the ladder she was stood on.

Lola is the biggest extrovert I have ever met in my entire life. She loves big parties, big weddings, big cakes, everything. So Lola being her bubbly giddy self demanded we decorate the place for duffs welcome.

"So tonight, we're all going down to the whisky to celebrate!" She beamed

"Is Saul going to be there?" Concern laced in my voice, that's not going to be a good idea.

"Yes, of course he is?" She furrows her brows

"Lola. That's a terrible idea he's just gotten out of rehab for gods sake" I raise my voice unintentionally

"Mia he'll be fine, you'll be there to keep an eye on him" she reassured

"No I won't because I'm not going"

It's true I wasn't going, for some reason I feel like him seeing me will spark something in him. And I don't want him to hate me, I don't want him to relapse. This is all my fault. If I wasn't such a selfish bitch with my stupid eating disorder I would have noticed the change in Saul.

"Why?" She pouted "you have to come!"

"Another time Lola" I force a smile "I'll be upstairs okay, I'll be down for duffs arrival don't worry"

-

"This cake is amazing Lola, thank you"Duff smiled, kissing Lola's forehead.

"Could you guys at least save the soppy shit till I've left the room please?" I fake gag

"Where are you going?" Lola asks "you barely touched your slice of cake"

"As much as I love your baking Lola, I need to lay down" I lie "you guys enjoy your night, it was nice seeing you duff" I smile

"Yeah you too Mia" he waves, i walk up stairs.

-
After flushing the toilet and staring at my tear stained cheeks in the mirror for what felt like hours, I decided to sleep the sadness away. I miss my dad. I miss him so much but I just don't know what to do.

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