Blades

Chapter Seventeen

"CC I-I don't want to lose hi-him."

"I know baby girl. He's just blind right now. He cares about you. He doesn't want to lose you and he thinks your suicide attempts are his fault."

"They aren't though."

"I know."

"Is he really going to leave me?"

"Yes baby girl. I'm so sorry but I promise it will get better." I sob louder into his shirt. I can feel him tense up. He cares about me. He's about to cry. Because of me. He doesn't want me to feel this way. Ashley hates me. Andy hates me. Jinxx and Jake probably hate me too. The only person I'm sure doesn't hate me is CC. I pull out of his arms and rest my forehead on his.

"Ceece, I don't want to stay here. I want to go home."

"H-home? What home?"

"My foster home."

"No you can't. You'll die there."

"I have no other choice but to go there. I have nowhere else to go."

"Stay with me."

"CC you know I can't do that. I don't want to be a burden."

"Give it a try and if you still don't want to live there after a month, then I will personally take you home."

"Ceece-"

"Please?"

"Fine, but I need time to get over Andy."

"Okay."

I lie back down as CC sits down and the nurses and doctors leave. CC holds my hand until Andy and Ashley come in with Jinxx and Jake. "Valeri," Andy starts. I already know what he's going to say, it just hurts to hear him say it, "I'm breaking up with you." My throat closes up the way it does when I get upset. I try my best not to cry so my voice comes out raspy with no emotion whatsoever. "I know." I'm so close to breaking down when he apologizes to me. I see the hate in Ashley's eyes, the sorrow in Andy's, the anger in CC's. Jake and Jinxx just have blank faces on. Like they have no emotion at all. My voice can't hold my tears back anymore. I have to see who's with me.

"Ashley?" He shook his head.

"Jake?" He shook his head.

"Jinxx?" I'm so close to crying but then he nods his head and comes by my hospital bed and holds my hand.

"Andy?" He looks down at his shoes trying to avoid looking at me. Am I really that repulsive? He looks up at me for a second only to look back down at his shoes again. What breaks me further is when he shakes his head slightly and turns, leaving the room, followed by Jake and Ashley.

I sit up and bring my knees to my chest while CC and Jinxx grip onto me for dear life. They are telling me to "Shh" and that everything will work out and get better. The rest is pure incoherence. I tune out the world for this great amount of time that I only saw darkness. I can try my best to look on the brighter side but in truth, I won't be able to truly do that. I want to change my looks and my name so that Andy won't be able to find me anymore. I will move somewhere else when I get the money. I know CC will help me with this. Jinxx might tell the rest of the band about it. I need my destroyer. Come destroy my sins. My weaknesses. My problems.

"Jinxx?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I talk to CC alone for a second, please?"

"Yeah, uh sure." He walked out of the room and I turned to CC.

"I need your help with something."