I knock on CC's door since today's band practice was here. I've had a hard time ever since Val died. I only broke up with her because I was hurting her. I guess I just hurt her even more by breaking up with her. It's my fault she's dead. All I do is hurt people. I've thought of quitting the band. I mean, who am I to tell people that making people kill themselves is wrong? I did that, didn't I? I basically contradicted all of my morals.
The door opens and I stand there shocked. I notice her belly and her lips that I used to kiss. And those eyes that I used to stare into all the time. She now has Platinum hair, but had a different style now. I'm not sure if it really is her though. Valeri had a sleeve. This girl doesn't. She has a cross tattooed upside down on her right arm and a Batman logo on her right thigh. She steps aside to let me inside. She goes to the kitchen to make snacks while me and the guys talk about anything and everything. Soon enough, she's done and we sit down and eat. She just walks upstairs without a word. I turn to CC and ask him her name.
"She looks a lot like Val, don't you think?"
"They're cousins, but I don't think they knew each other."
"I think I'm just seeing shit."
I look up at her and catch her eye. She turns quickly and continues up the stairs. I continue eating my pizza and I hear a sad song come on. Seriously, I'm about to just ball right here.
Mama was a bit naive
And her daddy was a blinded thief
He went and stole away what was left of the remains of a family
This was Val's favorite song before she died. I can't stand it anymore, I run up the stairs and find where the music is coming from, despite CC telling me not to. I open the door and she quickly closes out of something. She looks at me. Excuse. Excuse. Excuse....
"Uhmm....I was wondering if you wanted to stay for band practice," I'm doomed. I scratch the back of my neck out of awkwardness. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It's just an inv-"
"I'll be down in a bit. Just start without me.
I leave Julliette's room and go to start practice. I walk down the stairs and Jeremy gives me a look. "Shut up. Nothing happened."
I roll my eyes and walk to my microphone. We start with Goodbye Agony and I almost cry because Val used to love when we played it. She would sing along. Shit. I can't even enjoy being in this band without her. Her death causes me agony. I miss her so much. I don't think I can be in the band without breaking myself. I can't do this.
"I can't do this."
"What do you mean?"
"This band. It reminds me too much of Val."
"She has nothing to do with the band, Andy."
"She has everything to do with the band! And I don't want to continue being in a band that constantly reminds me of her! I'm a disgrace to our idea! Who am I to tell the army that bullying is wrong when I was the one who hurt her so much that her heart gave out?"
Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. It's all my fault she's dead.
"Andy, we need you."
"Yeah it's not your fault."
"Whatever," I say, "I quit."
I walk out of the front door and to my car where I pull a cigarette out and smoke it. Why did they not have a funeral? Why did you leave, Ri? I loved you. I only wanted to help. Is she really dead? Did you really leave?
YOU ARE READING
Seventeen year old Valeri Johnson, or Val, or Ri is kind of in an awkward point in her life. In the middle of depression and somewhere close to peace of mind. Her mother died when she was young. Her father is in prison. she was adopted out to an abu...