By the Weak

19

Garrett stayed away most of that night, and I left the next morning. I wanted my bed and a long hot shower.

The week was filled with work and an occasional visit from Joel. With him staying with Garrett for the week, it wasn't as convenient to see each other, and I insisted he spend time with his father.

Part of me hated the time away, but as my period neared and no signs of it came, I needed the distance. My mind was not in the right place as I worried that my period wasn't coming.

It was New Year's eve when fear and anxiety consumed me. I was dressing to go over to Garrett's house when the first wave of came over me.

I stood for a few minutes staring at the woman in the reflection. I was in a modest dress, but I put effort into my appearance. I looked mature. My face wore a mask that reflected fatigue from days if working and maintaining my home. And a few miles from this location was a young man that was about to have his life ruined.

I knew I could handle a child. I had a career and savings. I had a house, insurance, and a support system. But Joel had a divorced and divided family, school, and a lifetime ahead of him. This one thing could destroy his world.

For a second, I debated if I should tell him once I knew for sure. A second later, I condidered an abortion. And the next second, I dismissed those two options. I would need to immediately tell him I was keeping it. Fuck.

My palms began to sweat and I wiped them down my dress.

Then I thought of Garrett. Perhaps...I shook the thought from my head as I wiped a tear. Next week I could take a test. Next week we would know for sure. Then decisions could be made. For now, they didn't need to know that my period hasn't come yet.

The timing couldn't be worse. My birthday was the following week. I had planned to break up with Joel, and now I may be shackling him to me for life.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath.

***

Garrett and Joel had made a big spread. I kept telling them that they should go out and not entertain me, but they both insisted that they preferred my company.

Joel also said he wanted me to spend more time with his dad. I felt like it was something that I would never understand, but accept. At least until they explained it to me.

They decided it would be a dry evening given Joel's age and my potential pregnancy. So we did a lot of talking. But I kept wanting to mention my period or lack thereof and share my concern.

As midnight approached I came back from the bathroom and saw Joel asleep on the sofa. I saw a small glow from outside and I grabbed a blanket and walked out to the deck.

"Hey," I said to Garrett as he lounged in a patio chair with his legs splayed and a cigar in his mouth. He gave it a puff and then granted me a big smile.

"Hey, baby girl," Garrett said using the name he hadn't said for nearly a week.

"Can I join you?" I asked as I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. "Joel is sleeping."

"Of course, angel," Garrett said as he pulled a chair closer to him. I gave his a raised brow because I didn't need to be that close.

"Thanks for having me over tonight," I said as I sat down on the cool seat. I tucked my legs under me and pulled the blanket tight. I saw a small propane heater a few feet away and Garrett toed it closer.

"It was purely selfish."

"Oh?" I giggled. "How so?"

"You have been away and I had no excuse to go to your office this week, so I convinced Joe to have you over."