accelerate; lee haechan

22| you know you like it

chapter 22 - you know you like it
"you know you like her
but it drives you insane"
HAECHAN
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What. The. Fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck are you doing Haechan?

I swear my sober brain was missing a loose screw or something; because there was no way in hell I would have even considered inviting Arya on a joy ride if I was out of my mind on drugs, let alone even think about kissing her.

Was I really about to kiss her?

She was so tempting now that I think about it. Eyes wide from the thrill, cheeks flushed from my touch and God she fucking whimpered. That almost finished me off.

In a way, I was glad Jaemin interrupted us with his stupid fucking comment. But at the same time, I wanted to rip his throat out, because I knew he was right. I was really about to take her back to my car and fuck this little moment of lust out of my system-and Jaemin knew it too.

But, Choi Arya didn't seem like the kind of girl who just fucks a guy she finds attractive out of her system. I could tell she was the type to want that lovey-dovey goo goo-eyed bullshit before she even let a guy go near her-and I'm not the lovey-dovey type. I wasn't the guy to give that to her. Not that I wanted to.

I run a hand through my hair as I step through the door of my hotel room, tossing my keys somewhere on the bed in my fit of frustration.

What was I even thinking?

I didn't fucking like her if that's what you're thinking. It was all just lust-yeah that's all it was. Nothing more, nothing less. Angel was a beautiful girl sure, so it was only logical for me to want to kiss her. Especially when she looked so good stepping into my world.

She seemed so carefree in the moment. I couldn't help but grin. It was clear she'd never had this kind of exhilarating feeling before. We both relaxed in my roofless car, ripping down the empty road with rock music blaring through the expensive speakers. I'd be insane to not be slightly enticed.

Time felt like it didn't exist at that moment. It was different from driving fast alone. Seeing Angel enjoy the full throttle of speeding down stretches of road just as much as I did made me feel like all my problems were gone.

I don't even think she was aware of just how hot she looked with her hair blowing in the wind and lips parted. I wanted so badly to tuck the wild strands behind her ear and kiss her there and then, but I was a safe driver. And I could tell just how anxious the idea of fast driving was to her and I didn't want to do anything to heighten the anxiety when she'd done so much to loosen up.

She thinks I didn't notice her looking at me. I fought a smile every time her head snapped back to the windshield as I caught her eyes burning into the side of my face.

But I don't like her.

I swear I don't. That's why I left in such a rush. It wasn't fair for me to kiss her. Not when I can't give her what she wants-what she needs.

Yet standing in my hotel room, I wasn't feeling that relief I thought I would feel the second I left her. Instead, I felt no better.

I furrowed my brows and my chest tightens at the thought of me just leaving her out front with Jaemin.

But she's not my responsibility. The two of us were just having fun tonight-that's all. We were friendly colleagues.

I saw how Jaehyun was kissing some other girl, and that wasn't fair. Jaehyun was an idiot because if I had taken Arya on a date there's no way I would have spent my time with some other girl.

It wasn't fair to bring Arya into my world. She couldn't be in my world-she was too good to be wrapped up in this illegal mess I'd tangled myself and my friends in a long time ago. There was no way I was gonna put another person in that kind of danger.

Fuck why was I even thinking like that?

I was just trying to help her out, nothing more. I was just trying to do something to take her mind off that asshole.

Yeah, that's all.

God she was driving me insane.

My body stayed frozen standing hopelessly in the middle of the room. My mind was working overtime trying to decipher what the hell was happening, and why I felt the way I did right now. It was weird.

My eyes pinch shut.

"For fuck's sake," I spit through tight teeth.

There was only one thing I knew how to do when my mind was overthinking like this. It was my coping mechanism. It had become such a second nature for me with my shitty family life and the chaos of street racing that it had become an addiction.

I rush over to my bathroom, walking right up to the sink counter. I waste no time turning on the leaky faucet and start to splash my hot skin with the icy cold water.

I dived my hand into my jeans, retrieving a tiny individual plastic bag of narcotics and sprinkling it in a line on the dry countertop. I take my card to straighten out the powder, wasting no time to hunch down and inhale it through my nose.

This was my kind of high.

My lips parted as the burn slowly tapped into my bloodstream. I fucking hated doing this shit. It wasn't me. At least it never used to be. But now, it was all I knew.

As my head shot back up, I see my reflection.

'Dream's very own Lee Haechan swaps guitars and drums for cocaine and ecstasy.'

I could see the headlines now if someone was to snap a shot of me like this. But they'd only be telling the truth. It was right that the only thing I looked forward to was a high and a race and-for some odd reason-my daily bicker with that nosy little reporter.

But I couldn't bring her into this mess. I wouldn't. I nearly had a heart palpitation at the thought of her at a Lee Taeyong party.

What the fuck was Jaehyun doing bringing her there? That's the part that pissed me off the most.

A part of me wanted to believe I was getting her out of there because Jaehyun didn't realise just what he had; but secretly, I knew she wasn't safe there.

A beautiful girl like Arya, wouldn't last two minutes in the dark world of street racing. Sure, she may think this world is just flashing headlights, cheap gasoline and full speed-and I used to think that too-but it wasn't.

It was a lot more sinister than that.

The guys that compete would do anything to win. Shady under-the-counter deals to fix bets; cutting each other's breaks; fuck, one time someone rammed Jeno off the road that he hit his head so hard his memory went weird. But I don't blame them for doing it. Sometimes the consequences of saying no aren't worth it. That and the prize money is always hefty, but that's also because the people funding them do fucked up shit. Shit I wouldn't want Arya stressing about.

God, what am I even thinking?

She wasn't mine to worry about, mine to protect. She was just some timid college student looking for a big break in another just as twisted industry by filming a documentary.

Leave her alone Haechan.