Always You

Chapter 22: Parting Words

Malaya walked into Snape's office, dropping a book on his desk. 

"I forgot to give this back," she said not meeting his eye. "I'm headed to the Malfoys for the break and thought you might want it." 

Snape eyed the book. "Did you enjoy it?" 

"Yes," she answered. They hadn't spoken since they argued and Malaya felt slightly timid. She missed his company but felt like a nuisance to him. 

Snape grabbed the book. "I'm glad." 

He stood, walked over to his bookcase, placed the book in at random and pulled out another book. He walked back over to Malaya and handed her the book. 

"I want you to read this one next," he told her as she grabbed the book from him. 

The cover was soft leather and blank, only a faded grey with a golden border remained. "What's it about?" 

Snape waited a moment before answering. "Grief." 

Malaya's head snapped up to look at him. "Grief? Why do you want me to read a book about grief?" 

Snape studied her, his eyes searching her face. "Why not?" 

Malaya looked back down at the book. "Is it fiction?" 

"Technically, yes," he answered. "It's about a woman who loses a child and can't cope with her own grief, so she jumps off of a bridge." 

Malaya furrowed her brows. "You just told me the whole story." 

Snape shook his head. "She survives. The book is about how she finds meaning again after overcoming the loss of her son and, in a way, the loss of herself." 

"Why do you want me to read this, sir?" Malaya asked in a small voice. 

Snape looked at Malaya for a long time, the silence saying everything he couldn't. 

"Why did you come here?" Snape asked instead.

"To give you your book-" 

"No, not to my office." He glanced at the book once then looked at her face. "Why did you come to Hogwarts?" 

"For my education." 

"In the middle of a war?" 

"I'm not afraid," Malaya said simply. 

"I know you aren't," Snape replied. "That is why I want you to read a story about someone who no longer cared for her own life. Everything she once loved was gone. I want you to read about the possibility of valuing your life after tragedy." 

"I value my life." Malaya could hear her own voice break as she said it, knowing it wouldn't convince Snape. Her hands shook as she gripped the book. Suddenly, she wanted to toss it into the fire behind Snape's desk. "You have it wrong, sir. It's not that I don't care for myself. It's that some things are worth risking everything for." 

"Like your life?" 

Malaya looked down at the book. "Why are you doing this?" 

"What am I doing?" 

"Trying to help me," Malaya said. "Everyone told me how heartless you are, how cold and distant you can be. I don't understand." 

"Is that why you enjoy spending time with me?" he asked. "Because you believed I was another person incapable of loving you?" 

Malaya looked up at him, her eyes wide. His dark eyes met hers, her heart began to race. 

"Why are you afraid of being loved?" Snape asked. 

"I'm not afraid of being loved," Malaya said. "I just don't think I deserve to be loved." 

"Malaya..." He said her name slowly, it rolled off his tongue in his deep voice. The sound of it made Malaya want to break down and weep. "Everyone deserves to be loved." 

"And what about yourself, Professor?" Malaya asked, trying to push away the sudden surge of emotion. "Don't you think you deserve to be loved?" 

Snape just looked at her, not speaking for a long moment. "Keep the book, Hansley. Consider it a Christmas present from me." 

A knock sounded at the open door and Draco stood there, looking in. 

"Ready to go?" he asked Malaya. 

Malaya nodded, hugging the book to her chest and walked over to Draco. She turned back to Snape before leaving. 

"You should come spend Christmas with us, sir," she told him. 

Snape was already sitting behind his desk, his expression neutral. "That sounds like a miserable time. Why would I want to do that?" 

"Because nobody should be alone on Christmas." 

"And why do you assume I'll be alone?" he asked. 

Malaya looked at him, her face serious. "Because you don't let anyone in. At least think about it." 

She left with Draco, who gave her an odd look as they walked out of the castle.