Chapter 19

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**

I was simply out of words. I did not care to question him further. I wanted to be away from him, I needed to go back inside and find Ben who can hopefully  shed some regularity back into my  currently upside down life. I rushed inside and dived head first into the bathrooms. I scrubbed the now dried blood and dirt off of my palms. I hadn't drank much but already my head was dizzy. I looked around for Ben through sweaty bodies of drunken teens. I used my cellphone to text him a dozen times and finally found him seated at the table with the rest of Matt's band. He immediately stood up when he seen me.

"Are you alright?" He questioned the look of distraught on my face. I had forgotten to regain my composure. I wanted to never tell Ben if what I had just witnessed.

"Why haven't you texted me back? I texted you like 10 times."

He took his phone out of his pocket and swore under his breath," it's dead."

I merely nodded and bobbed my hair as normally as I could muster with the music. Ben reached for my arm," do you think we can talk now? About that thing I've been meaning to tell you about?"

"Yes!" I replied almost desperately. Anything that will take my mind off of my bird-murdering flower-manipulating boyfriend. I grabbed his fingers and led us through the mob once again, this time aggressively. I did not hesitate to push or nudge against the force that is wasted teens and eventually I was able to see a glimpse of the moonlight night through the entry way. Finally outside, I was able to breath again. I must had forgotten about Ben's presence because when he finally spoke to alert me of it I practically jumped out of my skin.

"Crap!" I screamed out and he shot me a look of confusion.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am, just jumpy."

"Where's Caleb?"

I don't know and I don't care.

"I think he's still smoking."

"You think? Weren't you with him?"

"Come on Ben, tell me what you've been meaning to," I urged to change the topic of discussion and he sighed.

"Alright," he began to pace and I wondered about what could it be. Immediately my brain began to assume.

Maybe he's had a secret relationship with a teacher of ours, or maybe he's gay? Maybe he also can control plants and little birdies.

"I've been meaning to tell you this since the 3rd grade," he began," ever since I could begin to comprehend and understand my feelings."

I nodded but I was more mystified. So it's not a secret relationship with our teacher.

"Out with it Ben," I said and suddenly realized that I was not being as reassuring as I usually am. I placed a hand on his shoulder and halted his nervous pacing," whatever it is, we'll be best friends no matter what, you know that."

He nodded and turned his entire body to face me. I couldn't help but stress about whatever it was that my best friend had been keeping from me since the third grade. When he finally revealed his secret, my initial thought, caught in the middle of my subconsciousness and the surface of my true thoughts were, did I somehow somewhere along the timeline of our friendship, perhaps suspected this?

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