A Nerd Hurts a Bully

28

MANUEL

Everything was bothering me. I couldn't keep the secret that I went to talk to my brother, who is Zach's rapist. Everyone would get mad, but I needed to get it off my chest. I decided to text him privately instead of texting in the group chat.

M: can we talk?
Z: yeah, what's up?
M: I need to get this off my chest
Z: ok
M: i went to see my brother in juvenile
Z: your brother? as in my rapist?
M: yes I'm sorry
Z: why would you go see him after everything he done to me? do you not care?
M: no it's not like that.
Z: really? it seems like it
M: he told me the reason why he raped you
Z: you know what? I don't even want to know. there is not a valid reason to rape someone. gosh, you ruin everything, Manuel. I'm telling the group chat.
M: Zach, please. you don't understand. I had to see him to ask him questions about the trial. please don't stop talking to me.
                 read 11:42am

I didn't know what to say. He left me on read when I was trying to explain why I did it. I was paranoid that everyone would leave me. "gosh, you ruin everything, Manuel." That made me think. I was anxious. I did everything wrong. I started sobbing. I felt so bad. I shouldn't have. Then, I got a text from the group chat.

N: manuel, why the fuck would you talk to Max?
W: yeah that is messed up.
M: you guys don't understand
B: what else do we need to understand?
M: why don't we just talk in person
Z: nah, we don't want to talk to you anymore.
M: oh, ok. sorry

I was about to go crazy. I tried to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. I was sobbing and sobbing until my mom called me the third time today. I wiped all my tears and stopped crying.

"Hey, manny! How's everything doing?" My mom said. "Everything is doing well, mom." I said. "Okay, I'm at my second flight." She said. "Okay, that's good. Thank God you are safe." I said. "Yeah. Well, Manny, I have to go. Stay safe and I love you 3000." She said. "I love you too, ma." I said almost crying. I hung up before I could burst into tears. I didn't tell her what happened.

I was guilty and sad and mad and — I'm not sure about my emotions anymore. I feel so many things at the same time and I get frustrated. I can't feel just one emotion. I feel many and I hate it. I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate myself. I don't understand why everything goes wrong for me. I'm always apologizing.

I gave life many chances. I couldn't take it anymore. I found a blade and started cutting myself. I was clean for only a few days. Not a big deal, right? My friends don't want to hear what really happened. They won't let me explain. I'm trying to make life better for me again. Zach was always there for me. Now, life is harder when he isn't there anymore. I bet they already have someone to replace me.

When I was just laying down on my bed, I heard a knock on the door. I looked through the window and didn't see anyone, so I ignored it. I heard it again. I decided to open the door out of anger and annoyance. I wish I didn't open the door at all. The boys that tortured me were there, smirking.

How did they find my address? Why can't they just leave me alone. "Hey, Manuel.." one of the boys said. I tried to close the door, but they blocked it. They walked towards me. "What do you guys want?" I asked. "We want you." One of the boys said. "And if you don't let us have you, we have our ways to get you anyway." Another boy said. "No. I don't want sex." I said. "Well that's too bad." One of the boys said. "There's 6 of us and one of you." A boy said. "Please, I don't want sex. Just leave me alone. I've been raped enough." I said.

"Aww little boy is feisty." A boy said as all of them walked into my house. I slapped the boy across his face. I shouldn't have done that. That was so stupid. "I'm sorry." I said. All the boys started to come closer. I walked backwards and hit the wall. They just kept coming closer and closer. "I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean to. I'm sorry. Don't touch me. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I swear." I begged.

The boy I slapped picked me up and dropped me on the couch. He started choking me until I was crying. He punched me a lot. He demanded me to show him where my bedroom was. I directed him to it. Then, he signaled the boys to come with him.

He pushed me on the bed and ripped my clothes off. All the boys were laughing and touching me. The boy started penetrating me. I moaned, but that doesn't mean I wanted it. I think. That's a normal reaction, right?

2 boys were on the bed with me. It wasn't good. I was being penetrated by one boy and forced to give a blowjob to another. They were taking videos and pictures too. I was begging for them to stop. I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I was apologizing nonstop. I thought this all had to do with me slapping that guy.

They all had a turn. I would say that it took about 6 and a half hours. I was left there, naked and bruised. I heard them laughing and replaying the video. I was tired. My hair was all messed up. I was bleeding from my anus. My mouth was sore. My face had dried up tears. What did I do to deserve this? I needed someone to talk to. I didn't want to talk to my therapist, though. I needed to talk to the group chat. They have been quiet since this morning.

M: im sorry. pls forgive me. I need to talk to you guys in person
N: what do u want
Z: what happened
M: can we talk in person, it's a long story.
Z: sure i guess
N: mhm
B: pick us up
W: what the fuck does he want
Z: be nice
M: sorry. I'll pick u guys up soon let me just get ready
N: mhm ok
W: ok..

When I was in the middle of getting ready, I got a text by an anonymous number.

?: attachment: 3 movies
?: attachment: 6 photos
        read: 6:57pm

It was photos and videos of me getting raped. I was crying during the videos, but I looked fine in the photos. I checked the time, I had to hurry.

When I picked them all up, they all looked mad at me. I drove to the beach, because it was nice and peaceful. "So, what do you want?" Nadiya asked. "If you want to apologize, I don't forgive you right now." Zacharie said. It was an awkward silence. I don't know why I couldn't talk. "Just say something." Walton said. "I can't say it..." I muttered. "What was that?" Ben said. "I can't say it." I said. "Then what was the fucking point of bringing us here?" Walton asked.

Then, we all got a text. It was from the whole school group chat. It was the videos and the pictures. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. They all just looked at me. Their faces were full of guilt. Walton opened the video and they were all watching it. They were shocked and Nadiya was crying. Zach looked like he regretted everything he said to me. They heard my cries and my screams. "Is this what you wanted to talk about?" Ben asked. "I-I don't know." I said embarrassingly. "It's okay, you can tell us. We forgive you." Zach said.

"I'm not sure, it's going to ruin everything. It's better if I don't say anything." I said. "You should really tell your mom. It will help with the trial." Nadiya said. "Speaking of trial, Zach you might have to be a witness for me." I said. "Okay." Zach said. "Guys." I said while crying. "Yes?" They answered. "Thank you for forgiving me." I said.

"You know we can't stay mad at you forever. We love you."