A Nerd Hurts a Bully

21

"Baby, please! I'm sorry!" My mom said. "No, ma. I don't want to talk to you right now so let me go or get out of my fucking room." I said. "Please, let me explain," my mom said. "You were horny, you don't want to help your son. I get it. What if I was your daughter instead? Would you understand me more?" I asked. My mom looked at me guilty. I realized what she meant.

"Oh, so you wanted a daughter? You were disappointed when you had me? Your son? I'm sorry, then, mom. I'm sorry for ruining everything for you. I wish you put me up for adoption. Maybe you would have a better life. A better life with no worries about your child getting raped every where they go. A better life without having to go to court because your child's father raped the child numerous times. A better life so you can have sex freely without someone calling for your help. I'm sorry mom, I truly am. And cancel the vacation, or go with your boyfriend. Whatever is best for you. Again, I am truly sorry." I said while crying.

As I was walking out, I remembered something. I left my suicide note on my desk. "Oh, you really want to know the full details of my life, Mom? My suicide note explains why I was going to do it, which is basically explaining my whole life." I said. My mom was sobbing and begging me to come back. "If you are wondering where I am going, I'm going somewhere and I'll probably never come back if things go wrong. If so, goodbye mom. Love you." I said.

"Baby, please. Come back. Remember you and me. It's just you and me. Please. Manny, don't leave me." My mom said. I left anyway. I heard her screaming, which made me regret my choices. But I did it for the best. Now, it's time to go to Golden Gate Bridge.

                                           ***

I was finally at Golden Gate Bridge after some traffic. I was ready to die. I took off my sweatshirt and looked over  the rails. I looked down. It was really far, but it was going to be worth it for everyone. I was really going to do it. Then, something ruined my plan. The police came. Three of the cops got out of the car. I was scared. I backed away from the rail so they would leave and think everything is okay. But that didn't work. "Hey, bud. Why were you looking down there?" One of the cops said. I didn't say anything. I was frightened. I opened my mouth but I didn't say anything. Words were struggling to come out of my mouth.

"It's okay, kid. Nothing to be scared about. We just want you safe." The cop said. I was going to cry. "I want an escape." I said. "An escape from what?" The cop asked. "An escape from life." I said. The cop looked at me worriedly.

"Let me tell you a story, buddy. Once, there was a kid named Michael. Michael did not like himself very much. Michael got abused by his stepfather. Michael got raped by his stepfather till he was 18. Michael's mom did not know about this until Michael turned 21. Michael got bullied at school for being so weak and skinny. Michael had no friends to support him. When Michael went to college, he didn't have enough money to buy an apartment or a hotel. He had to go in a dorm room at his campus. One time, his roommate had a college party at Michael's dorm. One of the roommate's friends drugged and raped Michael. This made Michael really upset later on in his life. Michael wanted to kill himself. Michael cut himself and said that he deserved everything that happened to him. Michael had severe depression. One day, Michael met with his biological dad. His biological dad loved Michael very much, but Michael's mom won custody of him when they divorced. Michael told him everything that was going on in his life. Michael's father was sobbing when he heard this. Michael's father told him that he loved him very much. Surprisingly, that's all Michael wanted to hear. He wanted to hear someone tell him that they love him. Michael was sobbing with his father. Michael didn't know what to do. His father suggested therapy. So Michael went to therapy, and it worked. Slowly, Michael was able to find some confidence in himself. Michael grew up to be a wonderful man with a wife and two teenage sons. How do I know all of this? Because I am Michael. I will forever will be. But I can't let that stop me to become a better person." The cop explained.

I was shocked. Someone who had a similar experience to me? I was sobbing at the point. I hugged the officer very tightly. I needed this hug. The officer hugged back while wiping tears.

"So the next time you are having a bad day and you just want to end it all, remember Michael and how he did not give up on life." The officer said. I didn't want to let go of the hug. Another officer signaled the officer hugging me that they had to go. "Sorry, bud. I have to go. Cop duties." He said. "Remember me, Officer Mike." He said.

Another time I have been saved. Life must love me, but I don't love life.