My Amusement Trail ( Alca Penguña Series #1 )

Chapter 34

Klouie
Scent

I closed my eyes firmly in so much guilt.

Pumasok ako ng kwarto kong sobrang gulo ng isip at mabigat ang dibdib. I don't know why but my chest is being constricted by a pang of guilt. It's suffocating me to hear my words linger in my ears. How did I manage to say those unspoken words coming from my bad mouth only to witness how she was hurt?

It's so terribly frustrating!

How the hell did I manage to say those words to her? Why am I not capable of controlling my temper? Why the hell did I snap out?

"Oh, gosh!" I screamed in so much grief, kicking the sofa in my way before I sat down.

I messed up. I messed up so bad!

I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders, like a stone was pressing down and crushing my chest. I had let myself get caught up in the moment and lose control, only to realize I had made myself worse. Now, I find myself slipping back into the same patterns that I had promised myself I would break.

Her reaction keeps flashing through my head like a series of films, punishing me to the extent of regret.

Hinayaan ko ang sarili kong malunod sa pagsisisi ng ilang oras. Trying to clear my clouded mind, hoping to embrace peace. But I'm just fooling myself because it really triggered me.

It triggered me.

I'm trying to recover. I'm trying... yet here I am, relapsing again.

Nagngitngit ako sa inis dahil hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko.

"Klouie?"

Sa kalagitnaan ng paghabol ng hininga, pilit kong kinalma ang sarili bago ibaba ang boteng hawak nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na boses sa labas ng pintuan.

"It's me," nagbaba ako ng tingin nang makilala kung sino 'yon. I take a peek at my reflection in the mirror before opening the door for Shentel.

Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya nang makita ang ayos ko.

"I'm here because I heard what happened, and it bothered me." She is still looking at my state. "You're not drinking, aren't you?"

Umiling ako sa kanya bago umupo sa sofa.

"Are you alright?" Even if she knows that I'm not, she still has the nerve to ask.

I shook my head languidly.

"I'm not." My voice broke when I lifted my eyes to her. Pain is clearly visible on my face right now.

"I snapped, Shentel." Pinigilan ko ang pag-usbong ng aking luha para magpatuloy. "Nasigawan ko siya."

Mariin akong pumikit at hirap na lumunok.

"I say mean words to her, Shen. I hurt h-her." Parang piniga ang puso ko nang maalala ang mukha niya. Umiling-iling ako.

"I didn't mean those words, Shen. Please believe me. I didn't mean any of those words. I was just... upset." I gasped painfully when I realized that I wasn't making any sense now.

It never justified how I managed to hurt her with those mean words.

"I know. You did nothing wrong." Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. "Hush now, Klouie. It's alright."

"Nasigawan ko siya, Shentel. Nakita ko ang mata niya kung paano umukit ang sakit do'n. Hindi ko sinasadya." Naiiyak kong wika.

"I completely messed up so badly. I can't express my feelings unless it's in extreme ways, and now I ended up hurting her when I didn't mean to." Hinaplos niya ang likuran ko na lalong nagpapiga sa dibdib ko bago kumalas sa pagkakahawak niya.