Poetry Book: Songs from the Heart [COMPLETED]

ruin myself

Isolated, locked in and boxed in
My manic panic grows and grows
And I just want to scream
I just want my fury to engulf the world
But I don't know why I'm so upset
I don't know why my fury is so strong

Nothing seems to mend this hurt
Nothing will ever stop the pain
This pain that threatens to overwhelm
The fear builds and grows and blooms
Into something I can't name

I can't stop thinking of him
I don't want to think of him
Yes, I think I love him or something
But I don't want to
He will never feel that way for me
So why do I have to feel this way?

I can't tell if it's just depression
Desperation
Stupidity
Fear

But I would love to feel his hand in mine
His arms around me
His brown eyes looking at me,
The crooked smile as we both made corny jokes
I don't know what is happening to me
And I don't understand these feelings

Pain and fear warp my heart into something else
Something unrecognizable
But no matter how much I try to resist these feelings
They come back full force
When I remember his soft voice
That hesitant but sweet laugh
The way he crinkled his nose when laughing

Oh, god, why does this have to happen to me?
I can't love him
Because he doesn't love me
And he never will
We are just friends
And I don't want to ruin our friendship
So I guess ....

I guess I'll ruin myself instead.....