A Nerd Hurts a Bully

26

Ughhh. I didn't feel like going to the therapist.

Right when I was done unpacking, I got a text from someone. It was my therapist.

T: Hi, Manuel! Our appointment was supposed to start 30 minutes ago. It's alright if you don't want to come. You just need to let me know. 😅
M: oh shit! I totally forgot. I'll be there in 10 minutes.
T: Okay! See you then!

Finally, I was in the waiting room. I didn't dress up too fancy. Just sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and some Nike slides with socks. I put my hood on. I didn't want anyone I know see me here.

It took a while. Liam was busy with his other patients because I was late. The office was busy in general. The therapists there were full. Meanwhile, I talked with a little girl that was in the office. She told me she's here because she was abused by her mother. She was only like what, 9 or 10? I didn't tell her my whole story because she's little and I don't want to traumatize her. I told her that my dad was a bad man that didn't do good stuff to me. I didn't tell her about other people. She was kind and playful. She asked me why there were bandages on my arms. I told her that a bear attacked me and it left me some scratches. She was so innocent, I wish her the best in life.

I also talked to someone around my age. He was a bully. He wasn't kind at all, but maybe that's just him. He didn't want to talk to me at all. He looked like a football jock. He had football gear right next to him. What is a jock doing here? I asked him why he was here in a kind voice and he told me to shut up. He eventually told me anyway. He told me that his mother died by suicide when he was young and his father took out all of his anger on him. His father would beat him and one night he took things too far and touched him. Now, his father is in jail. He said quote "Somebody snitched on him." I told him that I went through something similar, but I wasn't going to explain the whole thing now.

I asked why he had football gear right next to him. He was fidgeting with his fingers. He looked nervous. He then said that he had a football game soon. It was the first game since his father was imprisoned. He was worried about all the questions they were going to ask. He was worried about his coach kicking him out of the team for not attending practices. He was worried that we wasn't going to be good enough for the team. He was here because he was nervous and needed to see his therapist.

His name was Noah. We were so much alike. Everyone used to like us. But now, we were menaces to society. Once, Noah was touched by some people on his football team. His OWN football team. They made jokes about his dad, knowing what he was going through. When he dropped the soap while showering, the guys made jokes and touched him in places. He said it was his fault for everything. It was his fault that his mother died. It was his fault that everyone hated him. It's his fault for being a bully. It's his fault that his father hates him. We were both shedding some tears. He apologized for being so impolite at the beginning. He asked for my number to talk again. I agreed. After we exchanged numbers, I was called to Liam's office.

"Hello, Manuel! Are you ready for today's session?" Liam asked. "Yeah, I guess." I said. "Okay. This session is going to be way more serious. It would be awesome if you answer these following questions for trial. Feel free to ask for a break." Liam said. "Okay." I said nervously.

"First question. When was the first time you have been touched? Can you describe the event to me?" Liam asked. I had to really think about that one. I remembered what happened.

"I was 6. I was at my father's house. He came home from work. I was watching DuckTales in the living room." I said.

"He told me that he had a bad day. I hugged him, hoping to make him feel better. How innocent I was. He asked me if I would do anything to make him feel better. Since I was a little innocent child, I obviously said yes. He told me we were going to play a fun game. Then, he told me to take off my clothes. I followed his orders." I continued.

"I didn't know any better. I followed every order he demanded me to do. I didn't realize that it was bad. For some time, I thought it was okay and normal. We would play the "game" every time I went to his house until now." I said. Liam was jotting things down on paper.

"And I feel like— like everything is my fault every time. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up because of my problems. My friend yelled at me because I didn't want help fixing my problems. My mom screamed at me because she walked in on my suicide attempt." I said while crying.

"It's funny because everything was fine a month ago. I mean, I guess. I was better than this. It's the party. Everything was fine until the party I THREW. It's my fault everything went downhill. Me and my ex-girlfriend broke up. My friend got raped by my OWN brother. There was fights at the party. I burned myself that night. I was triggered by seeing something. I don't know why. My friend cut himself and I saw it and started crying. I have no idea why I went mentally crazy because of that." I continued.

"Manuel. You are not mentally crazy. You are just traumatized. Also, your mother did tell me about your brother. I want to know what you think, then we will resume with the other questions." Liam said. I nodded. "Do you think, or know, if your dad did the same things he did to you to your brother?" Liam asked.

Oh. I never thought of it that way. We did have the same horrible dad. "I have no idea. But that doesn't excuse what he did to my friend." I said. "You are correct. There is no valid excuse to rape someone. However, some people take out their anger by doing the same thing their perpetrator did to them." Liam said. "Can we just move on to the other questions, I don't want to speak about that asshole. He stole my girlfriend and everything." I said.

"Of course. Did anyone touch you recently?" Liam asked. I thought about today at the airport. Adrian pinning me against the wall, threatening me. Was I really brave to tell Liam what happened? I had to either way. He would figure out one way or another. "Yes." I said. "Can you describe it to me?" Liam asked. "I guess. It was today. I went around the airport because my mom was giving me the silent treatment." I said.

"I went into the bathroom and saw someone that hurt me before. Then, I ran into an unknown spot and the person followed me." I said. Liam was scribbling things on his paper. "And then—then the person forced me to give them a blow job. I tried to resist. I promise I didn't want it. I'm skinny and weak and he's buff and muscular. I didn't want it!" I said. "I know you didn't want it. Nobody wants to get raped. I understand that you didn't want it. I believe you." Liam said. Those three words made me sob. That's all I wanted to hear.

"I believe you."