Jade POV
I lie in bed half the night, waiting for sleep to release me from my chaos of thoughts, but it won't come. I lie here wide awake, going through one scenario after another, thinking about what could go wrong, trying to make myself realise how stupid this idea is. But Zach's words won't let me go. Perrie is unavailable, which means Perrie backs off, and she only does that when she's hurt, when she's honestly not well and when it's time to worry. So I call her. Once, twice, three times. I send texts, I leave voicemails. And then I wait. A few minutes that quickly turn into an hour and still nothing. He's right, she's really not available. And apparently not just since tonight. I am well aware of the late hour, know it could backfire, but I have let Perrie down before, left her on her own too often and too long. I can't do that again. So I jump out of bed, throw on the first tracksuit I can find and quietly open the door. Stealthily, with silent steps, I creep to the front door, trying hard not to wake anyone else, and steal myself away.
And so there I am, surprisingly sober and yet completely intoxicated, sitting in the car on her doorstep. I could still back out. I could tell my driver to just turn around. It would be so easy. Just turn around, drive back, start the promo tour and get on with my life, move on with my career. But now I'm standing here and I can't move, can't bring myself to open my mouth to give the driver an instruction, can't even think straight. Instead, my body suddenly works on its own and my legs move of their own accord out of the car and towards the door. And there I consider, take another look at the time, widen my eyes when I see how late or rather early it is, want to call the whole thing off again, until I shake my head.
"Fuck it," I whisper and ring the bell. And when it takes several minutes and nothing happens, I'm about to turn tail and run away before anyone gets wind that I'm even here, when the door opens. Frozen, I turn to face the person in front of me, unable to really react. It's not Perrie, scrutinising me from head to toe with a hundred question marks in her eyes, tightening her dressing gown in front of her chest, squinting her eyes against the light. It's her mum.
"Jade?" she asks, as if she can't believe it and how could she? She hasn't seen me in a very long time, especially at night in a look like this outside her front door. And I'm so blindsided by the fact that it wasn't Perrie who opened the door for me, Perrie who knows me and understands me, that I seem to have lost the ability to speak or even respond.
"Is everything okay?" she cautiously inquires, causing me to swallow and at least halfway come to my senses.
"Yeah...yeah, um, sorry to just show up here like this, I...I'd better go," I mumble, suddenly in a hurry to escape this awkward situation, about to turn and run away. But her voice stops me.
"No, wait, come on in," and I just can't refuse. I smile narrowly at her and follow her through the door.
"What brings you here?" she asks casually, probably bursting with curiosity without letting on.
"I, um...", I stammer, hating that I seem so inept at speaking right now. "Perrie's been unreachable for a few days and I...I guess I was a bit worried and wanted...wanted to check on her," I explain, seeing Deb's look she has to bite her tongue not to say I've been unreachable for a lot longer myself.
"Yeah..." she says slowly, seemingly deep in thought. "I'm glad you're here," she then surprises me. "She really hasn't been herself the last few days."
YOU ARE READING
I lost the power
Fanfiction3 years after the last show of the Confetti Tour. Jade's career is at its peak, but behind closed curtains it's a different story. Behind the spotlight she has never felt more lost, has never been more alone. Where are the girls? What happened to h...
