I don't want to be loved

Chapter 176: An Old Memory

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Lalisa sighed relievingly, thinking of the people she brought to her side and winning the masses goodwill. She'd participate in politics actively this time and if all goes well, the people will realize that she was no doll but a queen with position, a figure sitting on the throne of power and influence.

As she prepared setting up suggestions to propose the gambling forgiveness law, she used the remaining time left knitting the shawl she planned to give the Queen Mother.

She thought it'd take a few months to complete her work, but because she had more time herself to concentrate on the work, the shawl was completed in less than a month.

Smiling, Lalisa placed the shawl inside a neatly prepared box before sending it to the Queen Mother.

Not long after, Lalisa received a letter of reply back from her. The feel and texture of the letter were of high quality, a testament the Queen Mother received the shawl and replied back in genuine gratitude.

A strange feeling washed over her for a moment. It was always the Queen Mother showering her with gifts and kindness, making Lalisa think that she not do anything that would anger her.

But now, the tables have flipped.

Finding the change quite strange, she folded the letter and stared at the remaining threads left. Making a vague estimate with what she had left, she guessed that she could make another piece for an adult male.

Mrs. Cessley did say men liked receiving presents from their beloved in secret.

When she lived in Chrichton, she'd always knit clothes to her uncle and Dimitri. They'd beam brightly, enjoying her gifts and proceeding to proudly wear it around in public.

The memory brought a smile to her face.

'Yeah, I have enough left, so I'll just make one. It'd be a waste not to use it, and I'll just give it to him in passing."

Coming to a conclusion, Lalisa suddenly remembered a memory she had long forgotten.

She once told Mrs. Cessley she never gave a present to Jungkook, but now that she remembered, there was that one time...

It was the time when her mother was alive-one of her happiest memories.

She remembered giving Jungkook a wooden boat that Vincent made as a sign of thanks for the golden feather he gave her.

She held onto that golden feather until her death in the past life, but in this life, she threw the golden feather into the sea without an ounce of regret. It, too, was a sign of determination to live her life to the fullest.

Lalisa wondered if Jungkook kept the wooden boat, the object which held no value, all this time.

As the threads messily tangled in her fingers like her current chaotic thoughts, Lalisa noticed that she made a single stitch with the needles. Her hands fumbled and moved quickly as stitches after stitches formed from the needles.

***

"My Queen, have you already finished eating?"

While Mrs. Cessley had a meal together with Lalisa, she donned a slightly surprised countenance.

These days, Lalisa ate much more than usual and Mrs. Cessley quickly picked up at the new changes.

If a dish with coriander leaf as the main ingredient was served to Lalisa, she quickly finished the meal and plate clean.

The change was massive and Mrs. Cessley wondered if she was forcing herself to eat.

"You're right. It does seem like I'm eating much these days. Perhaps I'm unconsciously putting on some weight for the coming winter."

At her slightly embarrassing joke, Mrs. Cessley laughed.

"Yes, you do need to put on some weight, My Queen. Eat as much as you want. Should I inform the chef to prepare more of the same dish?"

Lalisa shook her head. "No. I'll be having tea not long after. I think this much food is enough for now."

"I understand. Still, I'm glad you're eating well, My Queen. I was worried you were losing weight due to the many worries in your mind," Mrs. Cessley said

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