Unexpected Love ✔️

T W E N T Y E I G H T

 A MONTH AND A HALF LATER 

Grief.  It surrounds me.

It's been just a little over a month since you've been gone, yet I still miss you. I search for you in a crowded room, mama, because I can't get over you being gone. Life looks a little different without you in a way I didn't expect although everything remains the same. Life goes on despite my world crumbling around me.

 And I hate that the world around me doesn't stop as my world as I knew it crumbles beneath me. I hate it as much as it relieves me. That life still carries on. That the world still moves on around you whilst your world is crumbling beneath you.

It provides a sense of normalcy. A small semblance of comfort and familiarity.

A small knock filters through the empty apartment bringing a smile to my lips. I drop my pen and close the journal, till we meet again mama before rising to my feet. Making my way through the two-bedroom apartment, I open the door to be met with soft blue eyes and the goofiest smile.

"Hey, you alright?" He breathes, leaning down and wrapping an arm against my waist. Kicking the door closed behind him with his foot, he leads me into the kitchen.

"Yeah," I breathe, pulling back and taking a seat on a kitchen stool. "How was practice?"

Ryan Kingston offers a shrug, as he unpacks the contents from the white carrier bag he bought with him.  "It was alright," He mumbles flashing me a smile that reveals his pearly whites. 

"How'd you sleep?" He asks, making conversation as he continues to put away the groceries. "No nightmares," 

"No," I assure him with a soft chuckle escaping me. Running a hand through my roots, "I was pretty wiped out after last night,"  I remind him, regretting my statement when he shoots me an arrogant smirk.

"Oh yeah," He teases, heading to the coffee machine and brewing another pot, glancing at me over his shoulder. "Coffee?"  

"If you really knew me then you'd know the answer that is always," I remind him with a soft chuckle. 

"Right, silly me. How could I forget?" He teases reaching into the drawer and grabbing two white ceramic mugs out and pouring it into two cups before adding some milk to both of ours and creamer to mine before sliding it over and taking a seat on the stool opposite mine on the other side of the island.

"So what were you doing?" 

"I just woke up not long ago and so I was just journalling," 

I had run into Ryan at the train station when I was coming back. He took one look at me before wrapping me up in his arms like we were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a while, and he somehow knew that mum had lost her fight with cancer. He held me tight and muttered his condolences into my hair before giving me a ride home, well here and he hasn't left me alone since. 

"Yeah, does it help?" He asks, bringing the coffee cup to his lips and taking a sip before bringing it back down and arching a questioning brow. 

My therapist had suggested I start a grief journal a couple of months back at my last visit before my mom passed. I immediately dismissed the idea because what's the point of carrying on with my life if she isn't in it? But then, I mentioned it in passing to Ryan who argued that it could help if I gave it a try and there's no harm in trying.

So no harm, no foul.

"Shut up," I tell him, watching as a slow know it all smirk spreads across his lips when I don't reply, picking a bite from the croissant and throwing it at him.