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Vlog #198 | Late Night talk

"what do you mean?" i asked confused

"well i just remembered the first time i watch that i was literally a toddler that I can't even remember the plot of the movie..i think i was ten at that time"

"y'know now this is weird to me coz i was 29 when i shoot that..then i married a 10 years old???" i huff getting off of her realizing it and she's just laughing at me

"that's not how it works, red" she chuckled

"yeah but still...anyways, continue your story" i giggled snuggling her again

"but yeah i was watching it then i remember i was 10 when i first saw it and I'm just like...i didn't even know i was gay at that time and I don't even know who this actress is..now after so many years.. she's my wife" she stated can't hide her smile

"how crazy the time works" she added

"I'm still thinking about the 29 and 10 thing" i mumbled hearing her laugh

"the only thing that matters is i was at the right age when we started our thing and...now...after a decade..we have our own family" she stated and i just leaned closer locking our lips in a kiss

"i love you" she mumbled

"i love the most" i responded

a comfortable silence formed between us and it just reminded me of something

"remember when i was devastated about losing this major like film?..and you were like getting a new degree at that time" i raised it

"which degree?" she asked

"i think like for your directing thing?"

"hmmm..ok"

"but yeah was having a hard time that night..i remember we were like just dating at this time and..i called you crying and like asked you if you can come? and you said sorry because you just finished working on your school things for 18 hours straight and u desperately need sleep."

"yeah..i remember that"

"then..i was like it's ok, i understand..but i stayed crying at my balcony just hugging my knees sobbing..the next Thing i know i felt you pulled me in a hug.. you came..you were looking tired and really sleepy but you stayed awake till daylight just sitting beside me giving me this.. company i never new someone could" i sigh with a smile on my lips remembering that core memory

"i think that's the first time I've seen you cry...like..real cry" she pulled me closer to her

"that was the time i knew I'm in love with you," i added

" i really love this" she sigh underneath her breath

"which" i hummed

"you know my whole life has been open to the public...then after you got associated with me..your life has been in public. I've always thought we will never have those y'know...just us moments.. now that you talked about that, i realized our most precious core memories just stayed their..not in public eyes" she explained pointing at my chest

"they stayed at my boobies?" i asked and she cracked a laugh making me also laugh

"you're the best thing that ever happened to me" she kissed my forehead and i just closed my eyes feeling how much she loves me

"y'know I'll take this opportunity" she breathe out heavily grabbing my hand intertwining our fingers

"i just wanna talk to you about something..uhm..i know every now and then you recieve backlash from people in the comments like its either about your past mistakes or sometimes how you treat me.. which i honestly think is just normal because y'know we can't always be happy..even if thats what we want in our relationship..of course there's gonna be these y'know..uhmm what I'm trying to say is i know people just casually throw hate at you for literally normal marriage things like you not having time before? that's normal..we just needed to figure things and uhm.." Tears are falling from her eyes and it just felt heavy on my chest

"i know u read them and i know at least at one point you get hurt..and i just feel really bad... you're getting hate because I'm putting our lives in p-public..but what they don't know behind those cameras is you're the best partner and mom to our kids.. I'm really sorry" she swallowed thickly sniffing and i just pulled her in a hug

"stop c-crying.." i mumbled also started getting emotional just hearing her cry.. she's just the most strongest but also most emotional behind curtains person i know

"I'm s-sorry if i can't p-protect you to all of t-them..."

"shhh.. it's ok..theres nothing to worry about, I know to myself you would do anything to protect us..you don't need to be sorry about anything ok?" i asked tears running down my cheeks as i wiped hers

"I can't stressed it enough how lucky iam  to have you...i did a lot of fucked up things to you..i shattered you and yet you're still here... I'm really sorry about what happened before..if i could turn back and change all of that I won't hesitate... you're such a precious angel and... I've hurt u a lot of times.. I'm really s-sorry" i rested my forehead to hers both of us finally opening up to each other

"you're already forgiven..like a million years ago" she chuckled making me also laugh and just wiped both of our tears

"y'know they may call me dumb or even say I'm gaslighting myself for keep on holding into this relationship but.. I don't care..you can hurt me a million times and i just know I'll ran back to you.. because you're my home--- but please don't do that" she suddenly stated seriously making me giggle

"i won't..i promise" i gave her a kiss caressing her cheeks

"you've healed baby y/n and...u gave her a home" she added smiling tears running down her cheeks

"i love you" i sobbed

"i l-love you t-the m-most" she stutter pulling me in a tight hug

"r-red..." she suddenly mumbled

"hmm?"

"c-can i g-get a m-monkey now" she asked making me chuckle

"yes"

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a/n

idk why but I'm literally sobbing writing this(⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ