Operation: One percent

Chapter 81

Ace

My phone rang, and it was time for me to go and check the location of the project.

I drove Margaret home, and on her way back, she spoke to me about life in the brothel, Victoria's gambling problems, and just how badly she treated her.

"Thank you Ace for your help. I really appreciate it. "

"You are welcome, Margaret. "

She hugged me, and in there was a moment when she started to pull back, but she didn't quite move as fast She placed her hand on my cheek. A moment passed, and she was just looking into my eyes, then into my lips, then back to my eyes. My throat dried up.

"You know, when I first saw you, I remember thinking that I never saw eyes as gray as yours. "

"Yeah, the color of a gun. What a compliment. "

I chuckled at my self-deprecating remark.

"No. More like a color of a stormy sky. "

She leaned in, looking at my eyes, then moving to my cheek, placing a soft kiss.

"They are beautiful. "

She gave me a gorgeous smile.

"As long as I can look at you, I don't mind what color they are. "

She scoffed in a teasing manner.

"Always a charmer Ace. You wanna come inside?" 

I nodded and entered her apartment. Perhaps this was the first time that we weren't forced to share a space. No one was chasing after us, and the experience was an unexplored territory for us. 

I noticed that this time Margaret had several plants in her apartment, which was something that I could have sworn that I missed. She made her way to the kitchen cupboards, and the sight of her making tea for me warmed up my heart. I wished that I could always look at her. 

But then I remembered her wanting to be away from Rintalis, and I wondered if she still felt the same way.

"Margaret, are you still adamant about leaving Rintalis behind?"

She placed the purple cup in front of me, the smell of peppermint easing me up. 

"Yes, yes I am."

I nodded at that, as I wondered what kind of fate would I have if I decided to do the same. Maybe it would be a chance to start anew. A clean slate. 

Maybe it's something that I needed too. Especially if I go through the project.

"I see."

"Are you still adamant about not leaving Rintalis? " She asked. 

"No, no I am not."

She raised an eyebrow at that. 

"Oh what changed?" 

Maybe it was because I will need to run away from what I will do. Maybe I will try to run away from myself. 

"How else can we be together?" I said. 

"I don't think that is the sole reason Ace, because you didn't think that back then. Please be honest with me."

I smiled and even though I knew I was giving her partial truth, I still decided to go through it. 

"I am."

Margaret reached out to touch my face, firmly keeping eye contact. 

"I just don't want you to regret it. I do not want you to hold me in contempt for leaving everything behind just so we can be together. I too want to be with you, and I am overjoyed to hear that you are considering moving, but I don't want you to be miserable. I know how sad you were when you felt powerless. I can't promise you that you will be in the same position of power because you most likely won't. But what I can promise is that I will fight with you through the challenges that we face. You mean so much to me Ace."

I felt like absolute vermin under Margaret's words of appreciation. 

"Margaret, I don't know if I deserve your love. You don't know how much I am struggling to keep my head above the water, and I am an absolute coward in the face of challenge. I know you said that you love me for me, but are you truly willing to accept me entirely? I am afraid that once I don't act the way you hope me to that you will abandon me as you have in the past. And it's only because I love you, and I know it might sound fuck up, is why I keep falling deeper into the quicksand. I feel like I have to be absolutely incredibly perfect for you to keep loving me, and I am only more and more aware of my weaknesses."

She caressed my cheek with a tender and loving gaze. 

"Once, I had a conversation with this very wise person. I said that I am a wax and that I will smother him. He said to me that he wishes that I didn't put myself down like that and that he wishes that I could see myself the way he sees me, a fighter. So are you saying that person lied to me? Are you telling me that you imagined it all and it was your wishful thinking that I was someone else in your idea of me? "

She placed a soft kiss on my lips, then continued. 

"You too had drawn my insecurities out of me, but you didn't mock them, you embraced them, and it is something I will never forget. I actually strive to be like that for you, and maybe I am not doing the best job at it, but I promise you I am trying. We will never be what other people see us as, and that is alright. I am not the same person that I was when you first met me, the person that I am nor the person that I will be. That doesn't mean that all those people are not me, but they were and are what I need to be. We are constantly changing, and yes, I know that I ignored you at one point because your actions weren't something I commended, and maybe I could have gone about it another way. I will have to say, I will never agree with the state of Rinatlis as it is now, and I might deteriorate because of the guilt, but I will not abandon you."

I am truly a monster -is all I could think about at her words. Here I was asking her to reassure me of her love, but at the same time, I still didn't discontinue the project.

"Your happiness means so much to me Margaret. I just hope that I can gather the strength to be the man you deserve." 

The weight of it all felt too much for me, so I kissed her, and excused myself. 

My heart felt heavy at the knowledge of where I was going next.