My Little Ember

One Week

(WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SELF HARMING)

I wake up at half eight for my shift and do my normal morning routine. Sitting infront of the mirror I pull my hair into a ponytail, but there's a piece sticking out.

Taking my hair out of the band I try again, I smile seeing that there's not a bit out of place until I turn my head to the side, growling I put my hair up again.

And again, and again, and again.

I scream and throw my hairbrush across the room, ruffling my hair violently I bang my fist on the vanity table. I look into my eyes and smile.

'It's ok, just take a deep breath and try again'.

I exhale and stand up to pick up my hairbrush again, groaning I regret ruffling my hair these knots are a mess, I yell out as I feel little clumps of my hair being pulled out from my fierce brushing.

But I don't stop, it only irritates me more, I don't feel the tears that trickle down my eyes, I don't even see myself I can only focus on the pain that I'm inflicting on myself.

I don't know how long I've been abusing my head but I stop as the pain increases, my lip quivers when I remove the brush from my hair. Whimpering I gently touch the side of my head that I know under my hair is bright red with anger.

I just feel sad, angry, it's like all of those emotions I hadn't shown yesterday has risen. I keep in the tears that are begging to be released, today is the end no more notes and no more, hearts.

My stomach churns as it recalls the look and smell. I look at myself in the mirror and attempt a smile, gently I run my fingers through my hair trying not to damage my head anymore and I tie it in a loose low ponytail.

I rub my cheeks in circular motions to get some colour in my sickly pale face. Semi pleased with my appearance I look at the time and see that my shift starts in ten minutes, I get everything ready and walk out of the door.

Entering Ambrose I go to the back to hang up my bag and get my apron, the restaurant is comfortable, not many people and light talking amongst each other, it's normally quite loud but today it's peaceful.

Until I see him again.

On the floor with my notepad and click my pen. Gradually Ambrose got busier throughout the day and slightly louder, I tuck a peice of my hair behind my ear and write down the customers orders "Ok it will be right with you" I smile at them and go to the kitchen.

Taking their orders to their table from the corner of my eye I see a dark figure in the booth, I can feel his eyes staring at me, the plates slightly shake in my hands that I force to stop.

'He doesn't scare me'.

'Yes he does'.

I shake my head, arriving at the table with a smile I say "Enjoy your meal" turning away I know the next table that I'm going to. I take deep breaths in and out of my nose I can't let him see my nerves. Him only a couple of feet away I can only think about his "lovely" gift. He makes me sick.

I've imagined my movements last night. At the table I take my note out of my pocket and firmly place it infront of him and walk away. I'm scared of his reaction.

'What if he kills me?'.

Will he be that upset of my rejection that he'll kill me? He's killed before and I really don't think he'll have a problem killing me.

Placing my apron on the hook I get my bag and leave, it felt longer than eight hours. He left the restaurant after giving out my second order, I pray it's the end it has to be.