I lost the power

Chapter 2 - It's complicated

"That means I have even less time than I already do because of a collab I don't want to do," she states.

"Looks like it," he confirms tersely.

"Fucking great," she mutters in annoyance. "Why didn't anyone tell me yesterday about the rehearsal today?"

"I'm telling you now," he says gruffly. "Get out of bed and off to the studio. You're expected in half an hour. You're meeting Harry at 10 am," and without waiting for a reply, he hangs up.

"Urgh," she groans aloud before picking herself up and tackling the never-ending day. As she gets up, she is also reminded of her other constant companion. The headache she always gets from too little sleep and the sleeping pills. This is also a pleasant side effect of the triazolam. She never really wakes up refreshed, usually has a headache, and even notices a reduction in her ability to react and concentrate. Therefore, she has to counteract this with stimulants. She has long realised that taking amphetamines is the only way to start the day. She needs drugs to go to sleep and she needs drugs to wake up. This is her life now.

Still half asleep, she staggers through the flat, hoping that her wake-up drugs will soon spark their desired effect, and pauses briefly in the kitchen. There is a plate ready with a banana and a note.

"Please eat at least this before you go. See you Friday - Z"

She has to smile at his gesture and even though she doesn't actually have any appetite, she packs the banana and eats it in slow, small bites as she gets into her car and is driven to the dance studio. In London she still uses the metro most of the time, but here in L.A. she has quickly realised that she can't get around without a car. However, she still doesn't have a driver's licence and doesn't know if she ever will, so she has a private driver for her time in the States. She takes a small advantage of success.

She kind of lets the dance rehearsals get the better of her. After initial starting problems, until the pills really finally kick in, the rehearsal goes surprisingly well. She was on time, which is the exception, Aiden was in a good mood, which is also rare, and they made good progress. Once she danced her way in, the movements were natural, they were relaxing, they let her switch off. And once she looked in the mirror and saw how good the choreography looked, she was even euphoric to leave the studio. But this good mood quickly disappeared when she realised where she was going next.

She knows it's unfounded, that it's not actually fair, but she hates her new nickname and so she can't stand the person associated with that name either. It represents everything she doesn't want for her future. He is the most successful solo artist from a British band. His success speaks volumes for the fact that the fate of the band is actually sealed. She knows she was lucky that her solo debut went through the roof, that she has probably achieved much more success and notoriety now than in all her years in the band. But for her, this time is not positive. For her, it would be the most beautiful thing in the world to revive the old times. To be compared to Harry in a certain way is symbolic for her that this wish is becoming more and more distant, even if it doesn't actually make sense. But she can't always control the ways her mind sometimes goes. In fact, she can never control it.

To her surprise, he is already sitting where she left him yesterday, and even seems to be waiting for her.