Shooting Stars, Falling Objects

Chapter 5

After fifteen painstaking minutes Tim hadn't received any response and he realized he had been staring at the phone the entire time. He knew he could not spend the entire day like this and decided to get up and take Kojo for a walk, leaving his phone behind.

He loved Kojo but right now the dog was serving as just another reminder of Lucy, like everything seemed to be lately. He wasn't sure he had ever been this twisted up about anyone before, including Isabel. With her he had always seen things between them as a problem to be solved. There had been a period of time when things with them were good, although looking back it had been more similar to his relationship with Ashley: easy and uncomplicated. When Isabel lost herself in her undercover work and became an addict, he was completely focused on "fixing" her. He had made a commitment to their marriage and was going to do whatever it took to make things work.

When everything finally ended with them, he realized that he wasn't sad about losing her or their marriage; he was sad because he felt like he had failed at something.

Since Isabel, he hadn't met anyone who seemed like someone he could really open himself up to. He had been shocked when people thought he was taking Ashley on a trip to propose – that was something that had legitimately never crossed his mind. And he had only felt relief when she said she never wanted marriage or a family even though those were two things he wanted for himself.

Now things with Lucy, however they stood at the moment, were different that anything he'd ever experienced before. He had never had a female friend who he had also was so attracted to. And he had never had anyone – friend or girlfriend – that he was so close to or who knew him so well. And as much as he had tried to keep her in the "friend zone," ever since their UC gig all he could think about was the smell of her hair and the feel of her lips.

Kujo and he returned to the apartment. He had done a truly horrible job not thinking about Lucy, but at least he had managed not to be staring at his phone. Even though there was no one (human) there to see him, he took his time picking up his phone. Maybe fate would be more on his side if he didn't seem quite as desperate as he currently felt? He drank some water and pulled the covers up on his bed before he couldn't stand the waiting anymore. It's just a text from a friend; she's busy with classes; it's no big deal either way. He kept repeating these things to himself and trying to ignore how fast his heart was beating.

He opened up his phone and there it was: Hi Tim! Everything is going well, and also hard. How are you?