Chapter Forty-One

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March 9th 2023 - New York City - Carlo's

Monday night dinners have returned, I was fine with it at first. Just a normal dinner with a friend after work. A nice glass of white wine and normal chatter. And then Jazz texted me.

Princess Jasmine

Have you spoken to MK about your secret totally obvious feelings yet?

No, because I tried not to think about it!

The whole next day was weird!

Because you like her.

You wouldn't have thought about it allllll day otherwise

I know you Miss Sinclair

No, because you made me think she likes me!

It was weird.

I avoided her all day.

And you're making me think about it again and we're at dinner.

TALK TO HER!

You're going on like you're a commitment phobic right now.

Ever thought it's because I don't want to commit?

Maybe I don't like her.

Maybe you've made it all up in your head?

Maybe on your part I might have over stretched

You're just a good friend

But on her part...

There's no way she's not into you.

You make my life complicated

Yet you still keep me around :)

TALK TO HER!

And now her words are swirling around my head along with my own feelings that are pretty straight forward. Well they weren't at first. I was very confused for days and I couldn't look at her without thinking about how pretty her eyes were, or how funny she was, or how intelligent she is. And I would get lost for a while, in my head and then it fell into place. Maybe I had some feelings for her, small, baby feelings. But they were there. And I stopped pushing them down and they grew and then the guilt took over and I decided I didn't want them feelings anymore. I was also pretty sure Jazz was borderline delusional and she had made the whole MK liking me thing up. And everything fell back into place.

Until now.

Now I was sitting here watching her hand that was laid on mine whilst she laughed at something I just said, questioning if this was an affectionate thing or just a normal friend thing. And the way she gazed up at me through her eyelashes was that a normal look or was it more than that. Did I find her pretty on normal oh she's attractive level or did the way I noticed that her eyes twinkle slightly when she smiles mean something more?

"You okay?" She asked softly, squeezing my hand slightly. I looked up at her and nodded. "You seem nervous? Is everything okay at home? I know you've not stayed over since... Well. Yeah. But you're welcome to if you need. You still have the keycard right." "No it's not... Everything is under control at home." Kind of. "You got all quiet and in your head after you phone went off." "It's just Jazz... She's being weird," I admit to her. "She okay?" I nodded.

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