Happiness - MileApo ✔️

29. The Pain Left The Scars

 "Ok yeah, sure Sweetheart," Mile's tone was soft and nervous. The endearment made Apo's heart raced. He hated how little control he had over how Mile made him feel. The simple word caressed him in the deepest ways and he wasn't ready to let Mile in. 

He wanted to keep his distance and protect himself from ever feeling that heartbreaking pain the Alpha had subjected him to again. Part of him wanted to go upstairs to his old bedroom, but he wasn't strong enough to be away from Mile. So he slowly waddled down the hall and to their bedroom or was it still just Mile's? As he pushed open the door, he didn't hear MIle stop him but instead could hear the Alpha already playing with Nolan in the living room. 

 Apo closed the bedroom door behind him, the Alpha's strong and powerful scent potent. He inhaled deeply as he removed his coat and went to the bed. He laid down carefully; any energy he had left evaporated on contact. 

The familiarity and the sense of home surrounded him. It gutted him. The scent reminded him of everything he had thought he would never get back. Mile had hated him for weeks. He had called him degrading names, tortured him by being so distant, and had even physically hurt him. All Apo had wanted was Mile to be near him; for the Alpha just to touch him. He hadn't because for months he thought Apo had betrayed him. Mile had thought he was a whore. 

The Omega began to sob as all the sorrow he had kept inside rushed through his veins; destroying his soul. It crippled his very being. He knew deep in his heart that if he continued to feel these horrid feeling, they would surely be his undoing. Everything overwhelmed him. It was all too much to take in. This shouldn't have happened to him. Mile should have been there for him; he should have believed him. They were mates. Yet Mile through him away. He couldn't. He couldn't do this anymore. Everything hurt too much. 

 Apo's eyes snapped open. He wasn't sure how long he had been sleeping but it was dark outside from the lack of sunlight coming from the window. A movement on the other side of the room made him realise what had woken him. Mile was quietly slipping on sleeping pants, his back to Apo. As the Alpha turned towards the bed Apo closed his eyes in panic. He pretended to be asleep as he felt the bed dip slightly when Mile got into bed next to him. 

 "Apo?," Mile asked in a gentle tone to see if he was awake. Apo didn't respond and stayed still, curious as to what the Alpha wanted. Mile came closer, the heat radiating off of him like a beacon for the Omega. 

 Apo made himself stay completely still while absorbing his Alpha's essence greedily. He was proud of himself for not flinching when Mile's finger tips gently ghosted over his cheek, caressing him and then softly pushed his hair from his forehead. 

 "I'm sorry," Mile whispered, his voice filled with shame. Mile continued petting him lightly, needing to touch him. He boldly moved closer and wrapped his arms around the Omega, burying his face in Apo's neck and sighed deeply. The Omega let out a sleepy gasp and Mile nuzzled him. 

 "I'm so sorry," Mile pleaded quietly as his right hand slid down to Apo's swollen stomach and left it there. It wasn't long till Mile was asleep against him, snoring lightly. Apo laid motionless, staring up at the ceiling. He wanted so badly to forgive Mile. But he couldn't. 

Everything in him twisted in a mix anger and happiness. It kept him confused as the Alpha buried his face deeper into his neck. He wanted to protect his heart. He was filled with insecurities and a real fear that Mile would hurt him again. 

 He didn't want to hurt anymore. 

***

Apo hadn't realise Mile had taken a paternity leave until after two weeks of being back in the house. Tong had informed him one day during his almost daily visits. For the most part, Apo's days bled together. They were all the same. He would wake up, be with Nolan, nap, eat, and repeat. 

He had no motivation to do anything. He didn't want to think, move, or make any sort of effort. He still did day to day things like taking care of his pup, but his mind wasn't there. It was better this way. He didn't hurt. He didn't feel. All the pain and suffering couldn't reach him. 

 Multiple times a day Mile would try to talk to him. He would ask him questions or his opinion on things. More often than not the Omega's answer was along the lines of he didn't care. Why should he? Those things didn't affect him. It wasn't that he was punishing Mile; that wasn't his plan. 

 He understood why the Alpha did what he did. All his life he was told he couldn't have pups, so it made sense he would act out in such a way. This was the Omegas way of protecting himself. All the feelings that circled around those events where the real enemy. It wasn't Mile; it was himself. 

By removing that part, he felt free. Apo wasn't connected to life anymore. What happened around him; he wasn't a part of it. He was in a floating bubble that was outside of the messiness of his life. He was firmly behind a wall that would protect him from everything. Nothing could hurt him. Having it this way, Apo knew that he was safe. 

***