Starting Over

chapter one

Scarlett

Do you ever feel like where you are in life right now isn't where you wanted to be?

Like how did my choices get me here?

How did I not change the direction my life was heading when I knew it wasn't what I wanted?

What I wanted is to be happy and in love, for my partner to be the love of my life. I want us to be able to travel and see the world together. I want us live in a house with a dog or two and maybe one day a family. I want someone who will be loyal and supportive, just as I would be to them.

Why do I feel like this will always be a dream and never a reality for me?

I have been in a relationship for nearly two years now and not once have we taken any time off to go on holiday together, I haven't even met his parents and the fact we don't even live together. Oh and how can I forget that when I told him I loved him a year into our relationship and his reply was, 'me too'.

I'm still living in my tiny shared studio apartment. Unfortunately, living in London that's all I can afford right now.

My salary from being a receptionist at one of the top law firms in the city is pretty decent, however not for the living status in London. I didn't know what I wanted to do when I made the move into the city to be honest. All I knew is that I wanted to create the best life for myself and put myself out there.

Currently sat at my desk, I glance over at my desk clock to check the time.

4.56pm.

I finish at 5pm like every weekday and as it's Friday today so I'm meeting my boyfriend, Ryan, after for a dinner date as I have no early rise tomorrow. I plan to have a selfcare day, starting off by visiting my local bakery and coffee shop, then I'll spend some time in the library. I also need to call my best friend at some point too. Making a mental list for later I eye the clock again as I hear a familiar voice.

"See you tomorrow Scarlett!"

"Bye, have a good night."

I smile and wave at Linda the head of Admin, basically my boss here. She is a kind lady, always letting me run to grab my daily dose of caffiene whenever I need it. I barely function without at least three cups a day.

I sign off from my computer then tidy away any stationary I have used. As I start to grab my bag I hear my name being called in the lobby. Very loudly and abruptly, may I add.

"Scarlett! I've been waiting outside for 5 minutes now. We have a dinner reservation for 6pm and you know what the traffic is like!"

"Yeah sorry. Coming."

Sliding on my blazer and tucking my bag under my arm, I quickly leave the building, closely following Ryan outside to his extremely expensive car.

"I text you Scarlett. You didn't answer."

"Sorry, but I don't have my phone on me all day while I'm at work."

Ryan pushes his foot down on the accelerator as we speed down the street. His Ferrari makes me nervous, I don't like fast cars, they make my stomach so queasy. I sink into the red seats as I focus on my breath, tucking some loose strands of hair behind my ear and biting my bottom lip between my teeth, a nervous habit I have picked up over time.

Every car journey with Ryan recently has ended up with us in an argument. Either I didn't call him when he expected me to or I didn't tell him I was going out with my roomates or I should have been out of work one minute earlier.

Who knows what bullshit he will throw my way today.

As we speed past the lights in the city, making them blur into a mix of colours, my mind wanders back to the questions I was asking myself earlier.